CAKE!

So Eccentric Friend, haven watched me bake many many a cake and then helped me eat them all, has announced that she can bake too (oh we doubt! Doubt!) and she would bring us a cake she has made with her OWN HANDS!

EF: BEHOLD my magnificent cake (and the boobies)

Sparky: *doubting face*

Beloved: Wooooo impressive.

EF: Made with my very own hands! All Saturday I as chained to the oven

Sparky: *big doubty face*

Beloved: I bet it’s delicious

EF: The toil of my own kitchen!

Sparky: *MAJOR CYNIC FACE*

EF: Do you have something to add Sparky? *danger voice*

Sparky:  Oh it looks lovely. Probably worth every penny.

Beloved: Uh-oh *hides*

EF: Oh you did, You went there! You are accusing me of BUYING cake and passing it off as my own superb cooking?

Sparky: I’m sure you make exceedingly good cakes, Ms. Kipling

EF: OOOOH! OOOH! Back it up or back down mister!

Sparky: Ok, my case.

1) You baked it on Saturday and it’s still fresh. This cake has preservatives in it

2) I have seen you assault cheese with a cheese grater. You did not elegantly place those chocolate curls. You did not.

3) This cake is perfectly symmetrical. Perfectly. This is factory made

4) It has that horrible “consistency of frozen semen” alleged cream you get on factory made cakes. It’s not whipped cream, clotted cream or butter cream. It is an offence to the very concept of cream

5) Also, it’s on a little plastic tray that you haven’t removed from the box.

6) It has a barcode.

EF: What barcode? Barcode?! Where?

Sparky: Gotcha. Now why would you be looking for a barcode?

EF: *pouts* See, see, this is why people hate lawyers. You’re always so insufferably right and have to completely demolish everyone.

Beloved: Try being married to him

Sparky: And yet you still haven’t learned how pointless it is to disagree with me?