Childish and shameful

Itawamba school district – already established as a source of considerable anti GBLT arseholery, seems to be aiming to set RECORDS.

See, they’ve had a prom, a parent organised prom that can be as bigoted as they chose. But they had to be sure sure sure they kept their straight‘s only space pure. So to keep Constance McMillan and her female date didn’t attend – they sent her to a fake prom. They lied to her and sent her to a fake prom to keep her lesbian self away from the poor straight students.

Excuse me a moment, I feel the need to swear rather incoherently.

Some of the closet’s tragic victims

This piece originally appeared at Womanist Musings where Renee has very generously allowed my random musings to appear on her excellent blog

One of the perennial scandals among the forces of homophobia is when the virulent, hateful, bigoted homophobe is caught in a gay bar. Or visiting a gay prostitute. Or having a “wide stance” in a public toilette, or otherwise seeking sex with those nasty nasty gay men they revile so much.

And there are many feelings when they are revealed. There’s a certain amount of cruel satisfaction in seeing such a vicious enemy brought low in such ironic perfection. I admit, there is a certain justified crowing and now small amount of glee at such revelations. That is understandable – afterall, such vehement haters being brought low can only be a way forward for GBLT people – it is reasonable to be happy at such a victory.

There’s also a certain amount of anger – and that’s pretty understandable as well. These people fight against every right we have, every protection we have. They fight against equality, basic justice and so many of the things that we need to make our lives work. They fight against our basic rights, against the basic protections we need and contribute towards the hatred and even the violence out there. We have damn good reason to be angry with them – all the more for their hypocrisy.

But there is another feeling I have here that eclipses both – pity. Deep and abiding pity.

Because these men are victims. They are one of the many victims of the closet that damages and destroys so many of us. In many ways they are victims as damaged and broken by heteronormative society and the demand that we hide and repress ourselves as much as all of our fellows who are driven to take their own lives.

We grow up in societies that tell us we are wrong, flawed, diseased. We are bombarded with messages that our expression is unacceptable – or fetishistic, weird, perverse. We are invisible or the freak show, non-existent or the stereotype,  or people whose love needs to be punished. Kissing or holding hands in public is an act of courage for us and too many are subject to violence of any public expression of our sexuality.

We are taught to hide. Hide for safety. Hide so we don’t disappoint our parents, our family. Hide because we should be ashamed. Hide because our presence offends straight people. Hide because we’re an affront. Hide because we’re disgusting. Hide because we should be trying to change, to reform, to redeem ourselves. Hide, ultimately, because what we are is wrong and unnacceptable.

So we hide. So very few of us have removed the closet from every single facet of our lives. We hide and we act and we pretend. We wear the mask. We lie. We act. We ask ourselves the question over and over – is it safe to be me here? Is it OK to be me here? Am I allowed to be me here? Because it can’t be assumed and we cannot relax, there is too much risk in being ourselves in too many places.

I remember playing that game – still do play the game far too many times. It’s exhausting, to always be on guard, to be constantly censoring yourself, checking yourself, making sure the mask hasn‘t slipped. It’s soul destroying, to constantly deny yourself, hide yourself, pretend to be something you’re not. And it’s shaming – shaming to know that by hiding you’re agreeing and supporting the idea you are wrong, flawed, broken. Shaming that I bowed – and bow – to the idea that I’m not ok. That I should hide. That I should spare straight people my gayness.

Slowly but surely, the closet destroys a part of you.

And then I look at people like these homophobic politicians and my heart bleeds for them. Because they are some of the closet‘s most damaged victims. They’re so far in the closet, so far in self repression that they have lived decades of denial and self-hatred – decades where the only true expression of their sexuality they have is a hook-up in a toilette? Lives without any expectation of as true connection, without any expectation of living as themselves. Lives where they can never ever take the mask off – not even in their own homes?

They hate us? I’m not surprised. Can you imagine being so repressed, hating yourself that much, hating what you are that much then looking out and seeing people like you who are FREE? Who have escaped the closet, the self-loathing, the acting, the lies, the shame?

I pity them. From the bottom of my heart I pity them. And I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that we have societies that have done this to them. That have raised them with such self-loathing, such self-repression, such shame and hatred that it has blighted their lives to such a cruel degree. I’m so sorry this was done to them.

And I promise that I will continue to work and fight to stop any more kids walking down your painful, self-destructive road.

Parliament is dissolved

Which means we have an election coming up.

Which means *looks at the choices* I may try and spend the entirety of the next month either drunk or very very very very depressed. I’ve already turned off the TV which has been election all time all day – and it’s so depressing. So many viewpoints from the man on the street (and really, my CAT knows more about British politics than the man on the damn street), lots of cozy little feel good soundbites that mean absolutely nothing from the politicians. Lots of pundits and swinging poll numbers and pretty coloured maps. And, joy, we’re going to get an American style televised debate (ye gods, WHY?! You want a debate, watch blood question time for gods’ sake!) which I fully intend to miss

I suppose at some point I’m supposed to say “get out and vote, no matter who you vote for just vote!” as is the usual popular refrain during the election time. I’m not going to though because it’d be rather insincere. I can tell you why I vote and why I think voting is important, but, to be brutally honest, if you’re going to vote Tory I’d much rather you spend the day at home licking plug sockets – basic self-defence instinct.

Instead, I will say something I think is more important.

Voting is pointless if you are ignorant. They may as well use a random number generator as your vote if you’re not an informed voter. Check the news, check the vote record, check what they have done on real issues that matter to you – know what you’re voting for (or against)

Do NOT listen to soundbites. Do not listen to what the politicians of ANY party promise you. They’re lying, they always do always have and always will. If you care about an issue go to the Public Whip site this lovely site will tell you their ACTUAL VOTE RECORD.

That’s what counts guys. They will lie until their blue in the face – you want to see what they really stand for then look at what they voted for, what they voted agaist and what was so unimportant to them they didn’t bother to turn up.

I’m approaching this election with a creeping sense of dread. I fear a Tory win that seems very much on the cards. I am hoping and praying desperately for a hung Parliament – Labour lead with the Lib Dems as assist.  Not that it’d be an ideal scenario, not even remotely – but with the choices presented it’s the best we can hope for – and a lot better than Cameron winning