Dear Google

Thank you for sharing my real damn name with half the damn internet despite my taking pains for personal and professional reasons to keep my internet identity relatively anonymous

Thank you for not informing me of said revelation - or that you were choosing to share items from my Reader and my Picasa photo album as well

I didn't know what Buzz is. I'm still not sure what buzz is - in fact, I don't have a clue what Buzz is. I do generally like how google is putting all my stuff in one easy place - my twitter, my reader, my email - but signing me up to something I STILL don't understand without talking to me first? Fails. Signing me up to something and making lots of info I assume is private public? Fails more.

For me, revelations of my identity can come with consequences. I've not always been professional or discreet in my online spaces - I'm a lawyer, connecting my name to my words can come with consequences. I am also a gay man, albeit, hardly a closeted one. For me that's a minor concern - for some of my GBLT fellows your damn Buzz has the very real potential of outing people.

From what I can see my concerns are actually minor considering the sheer FUBARness of this release Please read and check to make sure you're not giving away a lot of personal information you don't want to share

Language musings: “gay” vs “homosexual”

There has been a poll recently that is most curious.

It seems 59% of responders on this CBS poll support homosexuals into the military.
However, 70% of the SAME PEOPLE support gays and lesbians in the military.

Ok, let’s take a moment to despair of humanity. Yes yes, people really are that stupid.

I remind myself that the fools in this poll may represent Palin supporters and we can’t expect reality based thinking.

I think it’s a great lesson about how dubious statistics are and how easily they can be manipulated and twisted (another good example is on that poll about gay men and open relationship examined by the ever excellent Box Turtle Bulletin) and how even the language of a question can make all the difference in the oddest of ways.

There has been a debate in some GBLT circles about the use of the word “homosexual.” They point out – rightly – that it is clinical, that it was originally used as a word to diagnose a mental illness that,  and that, like the term “same sex attraction/SSA” (a phrase I don’t like) and “men who have sex with men/msm” (another phrase I’m not mad keen on) it overly emphasises our sex lives.

Still, I’ve always used the word. Partially because I haven’t yet found a good synonym I like for “homosexuality” (gayness? Um, no.) also because I use the word “heterosexual” because I’ve done a lot of mental running around with the term “straight.” Which is a good word – except the opposite of straight is “bent” which is, of course, an anti-gay slur. Still, I think straight has divorced itself from that and now stands well on its own.

So the point of all this musing? Well, I’ve used homosexual and generally not given much time or thought on the matter – I’ve known people had objections, even conceded them as valid, but at the same time considered it to be an issue of general indifference and rather supreme unimportance. Gods, it’s still nigh impossible to convince people not to drop “fag” left right and centre – let alone using “gay” as a generic negative descriptor (if 2 days can go by without me hearing that, it’d be a first. Actually 1 day would be kind of nice) and you want to start on “homosexual“?

And now it’s been raised again, and I’ve been thinking, especially thinking about the fact I don’t actually DISAGREE with anything they have said about the word ‘homosexual’ but I don’t agree with their vehemence on the issue.

Am I going to get offended by the word? No. That’s foolish. It doesn’t offend me and never has. To suddenly start pretending it does offend me will dilute my stance on slurs that do truly annoy, hurt, insult and offend me. And I going to push others to stop using “homosexual“? Also no. I think the word is adequate – it has problems but it’s in no way in the “ZOMG NEVER SAY THAT EVAH!” category.

Am I going to stop using it? Probably. Though, in truth, I read one blog comment on it that asked me to put it in a sentence – and I realised in a SPOKEN sentence, I couldn’t. I just don’t say it. I have never said “I am a homosexual” I’ve always said “I am gay.” It’s an idiosyncrasy of  writing, not speech. But yes I’ll probably stop using the word. Not, it has to be said, due to this poll directly (because polls and statistics are so very very very messy and because, well, a bunch of fools who are in dire need of a thesaurus and a good slapping are not going to change my word use) but because the poll has raised the old debate and the people who DON’T like the word “homosexual” have very good points I agree with – albeit I’m not nearly as vehement as they are.

I don’t think it’s a BAD word (though it has a bad history – but which gay descriptor DOESN’T? – and is overly clinical and/or sexual) just that “gay” and “lesbian” are better words.

Still habit is habit and, as I said, I’m not so bothered by the word to make a huge conscious effort not to use it but, in general?

So yes I’ll probably be using more “gay” and “lesbian” and less “homosexual.”

Homophobes: this obsession with anal sex is not healthy

Ok, look, this thing so many homophobes have with anal sex? It has to stop, it’s not healthy.  Look, if you want to try it I’m sure there are lots of guides and help books out there that can help you on the way (because, really, this whole tunnel visioned desperate obsession seems more and more like a desperate wish to try it) – but this obsession over it is getting so ridiculous to the point of comedy.

Let’s get this clear.

Not all gays (and lesbians most certainly for that matter) practice anal sex (some of us are so good we don’t need to practice. Yes, I had to say it, it was too tempting) not by a long shot. Nor is anal sex exclusive to gay men. Hey, some heterosexual men like it when a woman anally penetrates them with a dildo (go google “pegging” for evidence of this) and I’m sure that shocks and appals the moralists.

Being gay is not about a sex act, any more than being straight is. So, while we’re on the topic, can you also stop trawling the internet for the most graphic incidents of gay porn you can find as a way to demonise us? I can guarantee you I can find straight porn that matches the gay porn in every incidence. Do you expect to be judged by the straight porn out there? No? Then why should we be on the gay porn?

Frankly the whole tactic is demonising, misleading, anti-sex and just plain stupid and it’s past tired. Get over it alread.

Plans for this evening

Wines (because booze is needed), some tea, some coffee, scones, sandwiches, cakes and other oh-so-delicate staples of the Afternoone tea

Period dress. Yes yes we have

Some very silly friends

A game of Munchausens :) Let's see if it's as funny and fun as it used to be :)

More booze may be needed.