Uganda kill-gay bill - why the bloody silence?!

I realise some people may not be aware so to remind people - Uganda is currently passing a law that grossly oppresses homosexuality. Homosexuals will be imprisoned for long terms - or executed. Anyone speaking in favour of homosexuals or “promoting” homosexuality can be imprisoned.

The sad thing is that some people may not be aware of this. I rather suspect most people aren’t.

See, I try to stay connected. I have a 101 news feeds that spam me every day from around the world - I also have double that in blogs I follow to increase my awareness. It’s a duty of everyone to be informed, I think - there really are few excuses for ignorance in this day and age.

The gay blogs have been very good at reporting this horrendous law and responses. Or lack therof - Catholic church, English Anglican church, I’m looking at you, homophobes. You can‘t even condemn a law to slaughter us?! Tweedle Phobe and Tweedle Bigot are happy for their churches to push this law and say nothing in opposition? Then people wonder why we look at the Anglican and Catholic churches as utterly evil, bigoted organisations? Oh and Obama - WHY does the US have no stance on this bloody law? Go go fierce advocate!

The blogs also cover the history behind it, including the many WESTERN churches, religious figures and pro-hate activists that have been involved (Rick Warren, that would be you, bastard). Box Turtle Bulletin in particular has done an amazing job of documenting this and keeping us updated - follow the dated links at the bottom of the page

The news feeds? *crickets* Maybe the odd throw-away line. One short article of one MPs PROPOSAL (never mind the actual law and progress) thank you BBC. Or a couple of nods (Guardian, Independent). The Daily Mail & Telegraph mention it in passing - but as how it makes things awkward for Brown (somehow).

I actually had to look for even these snippets - because they weren’t high on the feeds or in the papers. Watching the news on TV or Teletext will convince you it’s not even happening. The more I read my news feeds, the more I see it mentioned vaguely in passing - if at all. Frankly, I’ve seen better cover from American news sources - and precious little from most of them ( a nod to Rachel Maddow).

Compare that to the Swiss Minaret ban - a deeply disgusting and bigoted law, to be sure - and you have not just column inches - but column acres being written to condemn this bigotry. And rightly so - the Swiss minaret ban is nothing short of blatant religious bigotry. The fact that there isn’t even a great demand in Switzerland for new minarets shows this law for what it is - a message bigotry from the people of Switzerland against a marginalised body. it’s a symbolic gesture of hatred.

It is disgusting and worth every column inch and every expression of outrage - in fact, it could have done with a damn site more attention (though it is still in the news feeds now).

But surely a bill to IMPRISON and EXECUTE a marginalised group and anyone who speaks for them is worth as much attention? Having gay sex carries a LIFE IMPRISONMENT. Having gay sex multiple times is enough to be executed under this bill. And anyone who defends us, supports us OR DOESN’T REPORT US, can go to prison for up to 3 years. Someone from Uganda who leaves the country and has gay sex ELSEWHERE, will be sought for extradition.

Is it because it’s Africa? And Africa generally does receive previous little media attention. Is it because its homosexuals? After all there are already countries that kill us and torture us, what’s one more right?

This is a proposed genocide against homosexuals. Where’s the outrage? Where’s the fury? How can ANYONE be neutral on this? How can they have no position on this? Why isn’t the press screaming blue murder? Why aren’t more nations following in Sweden’s footsteps and cutting aid - hells, cutting ties and condemning them in no uncertain terms?

The silence is telling

Growing up gay part # 3: the Battlescarred

Back here I made a post about coming out gay. mjules made a good point about another category of GBLT people coming out other than experience/inexperienced I and Plaid Adder referred to.

I don’t know how to refer to them, there are few labels I can give that does not carry negative connotations that are underserved. “Angry” would be accurate - but it’s so habitual to demonise anger, even when it is reasonable. “Wounded” would also be accurate - but it suggests a level of victimhood that I am not happy with. The same applies to “hurt.” “Defensive” implies touchiness that is most unfair. Even "battle scarred" is not inappropriate - since very few of us have managed to live without physical, emotional or mental scars from homophobia. I am going to use “angry” because it has the least negatives, but I am not happy with it.

Sometimes, someone will come out to you and they don’t seem nervous or afraid - or experienced and casual. They seem hostile, angry, even belligerent. They seem ready for a fight.

And they are. Because we live in a world that is just too ready to fight us. Nearly all of us have been hurt at some time, some of us quite badly. And some of us have been hurt so often and so badly that we expect it and are ready for it. We’re ready for the argument, for the fight, for the condemnation and the attacks - because we’ve already faced so many.

And it can happen not just during coming out. Any discussion. We can go in ready for battle - we get angry because we know that there’s a good chance in the next few minutes we’re going to get damn good cause. We go in angry because we expect a battle, we expect we have to defend ourselves, we expect we’re going to be hurt.

And in some cases it’s the only way to come out/have the conversation in the first place. The risk of being hurt again, the worry about the consequences are so high that it’s only by psyching ourselves up in the first place that we’ll even speak. I’ve been there. I’ve dreaded a conversation, known that it’s going to hurt and known that I don’t want to do it, don’t have the energy for it and don’t have the mental strength for it. But I’ve done it by stoking up enough anger to get through that - to make it hurt less, to overcome the fear and to give me enough energy to broach it.

And in some cases anger is just unavoidable. When you’ve been hurt coming out before, when you’ve been hurt having a conversation before then you can’t enter the same territory without that anger coming back - because they have been given so many reasons to be angry before, the anger comes automatically.

So what does this mean for the incomer?
Or anyone else suddenly having a conversation about homosexuality/homophobia with a gay person who is seething quietly (or not so quietly?)

First of all - recognise where the anger is coming from. The anger is coming from pain - from a society that hurts us over and over and over again. It is not directed at you personally (though if you join society in adding to that pain, it might be), it’s a defence mechanism against what’s likely to come.

Secondly - don’t devalue that anger. They have a REASON to be angry. You can’t tell them to calm down or not be angry without diminishing the impact of homophobia. They are angry for a reason. They have a RIGHT to their anger. Diminishing or shaming that anger will not help.

Thirdly - don’t feed that anger. They are angry. They have a reason to be angry. Don’t be that reason. Don’t be the clueless fool with the homophobia, don’t decide to “love the sinner, hate the sin,” don’t decide it’s time for a gay joke or to express your disgust at gay sex - in other words, don’t do all the things that I and Plaid Adder have already said not to do with an inexperienced outcomer.

Because that’s a point here - just because someone is angry doesn’t mean they’re not vulnerable or you can’t hurt them - it means they’re hurting. If you add to that pain or remind them of it they will treat you with the withering contempt you deserve. They may storm off and tell you to go fuck yourself rather than dissolve into tears and retreat hurt if you slathering them in heterosexual privilege - but you’ll still hurt them and give them yet another reason to be angry.

So appropriate reactions? Really, I can sum this up with “don’t be an arsehole.” You won’t need to build them up, calm their insecurities or reassure them. But you need to avoid poking sore spots, you need not to be part of the many things that attack hurt and anger us. You need to not be identified as an enemy in a world that is so very hostile.

And don’t be taken aback by any deflation that happens then :) Sometimes you can be so psyched up for a fight, so ready for a fight, so ready to defend yourself, so ready to resist being hurt that when it DOESN’T emerge it seems rather anti-climactic.