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Musing - Is happiness a mandatory duty?
Jan. 20th, 2009 03:51 pmIt’s an odd thought, but it seems that it is now a requirement to be happy. It is almost a crime not to be happy. No, not a crime, an illness. Unhappiness is an illness that must be treated.
And we have so many treatments. We have people who will take lots of cash to sit there and listen to you and describe whatever ailment fits. We had pills and potions galore. We have self help books and meditation and yoga and every kind of new age medicine you can imagine. Unhappiness is a multi-million pound business.
And some people are ill. Some people have been hurt so very badly, or their brain chemistry is not working correctly. Some people need help - and we should offer it unstintingly (in fact, it’s a shame and a shambles that so many ill people get so little help). But sometimes, we’re not ill, we’re just unhappy.
When my friend’s mother passed away last year she was sad - and people pressed pills and therapy and counselling on her.
My brother’s relationship of 7 years broke down - he was sad and angry and hurt. And people wanted him to see a doctor, to move on, to get over her.
And I’m just bemused and angry. They’re sad? They’re angry? Her mother died! His girlfriend left him! They have a RIGHT to their grief. They are ALLOWED to be upset. They don’t have to get over it or move on or take pills or see a therapist - they have a right to expect some time where they CAN be upset, hurt, angry, sad. They do not have a duty to be happy and return to happiness as soon as possible. They don’t have to find some quick solution so they can “fix” themselves and get back to normal.
It bugs me so much. Is that housewife unhappy and depressed does she need pills? Or is she feeling bored or neglected or unfulfilled? If the hot-shot business person is feeling stressed and frazzled and worn and fatigued - do they need pills and therapy? Or do they need to look at their work/life balance? If the kid is acting up and has no attention span, do they need pills? Or is it possible that they are bored rigid and the teaching methods need address? Is it possible s/he needs more attention than a television can provide? Why is the rich executive depressed when he as a stereotypical dream life? Maybe because the stereotypical dream isn’t HIS dream and he’s not living the life HE wants.
And this applies to the unhappy people as well - not just the people pushing them to “fix” themselves and get back to normal. I’m sorry, sometimes you will be unhappy. There is no guarantee on happiness in this life. Sometimes you will be sad, angry, hurt, upset. And that’s OK. You don’t have to make it go away as soon as possible. You don’t need to look for the quick fix nor should you expect to find a quick fix. Sometimes you are unhappy - and with reason. Accept it as a part of life.
Yes, sometimes that housewife is clinically depressed. Yes sometimes that overworked businessperson does have an anxiety disorder. Yes, sometimes that kid does have ADHD. Sometimes there is a medical reason why people aren’t happy.
And sometimes people are legitimately unhappy for perfectly normal, natural reasons.
Unhappiness is not an illness. Sometimes we have a damn good reason to be unhappy. It’s ok to be unhappy. It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be hurt. Sometimes these are perfectly natural, normal, HEALTHY responses to what is happening in our lives. It’s not shameful to be upset or sad. It’s not something you have to tuck away. It’s not even something you need to fix as soon as possible.
Unhappiness is part of who we are - and we can’t truly seek REAL happiness if we’re constantly hiding from, medicating away and generally ignoring our legitimate unhappiness.
And we have so many treatments. We have people who will take lots of cash to sit there and listen to you and describe whatever ailment fits. We had pills and potions galore. We have self help books and meditation and yoga and every kind of new age medicine you can imagine. Unhappiness is a multi-million pound business.
And some people are ill. Some people have been hurt so very badly, or their brain chemistry is not working correctly. Some people need help - and we should offer it unstintingly (in fact, it’s a shame and a shambles that so many ill people get so little help). But sometimes, we’re not ill, we’re just unhappy.
When my friend’s mother passed away last year she was sad - and people pressed pills and therapy and counselling on her.
My brother’s relationship of 7 years broke down - he was sad and angry and hurt. And people wanted him to see a doctor, to move on, to get over her.
And I’m just bemused and angry. They’re sad? They’re angry? Her mother died! His girlfriend left him! They have a RIGHT to their grief. They are ALLOWED to be upset. They don’t have to get over it or move on or take pills or see a therapist - they have a right to expect some time where they CAN be upset, hurt, angry, sad. They do not have a duty to be happy and return to happiness as soon as possible. They don’t have to find some quick solution so they can “fix” themselves and get back to normal.
It bugs me so much. Is that housewife unhappy and depressed does she need pills? Or is she feeling bored or neglected or unfulfilled? If the hot-shot business person is feeling stressed and frazzled and worn and fatigued - do they need pills and therapy? Or do they need to look at their work/life balance? If the kid is acting up and has no attention span, do they need pills? Or is it possible that they are bored rigid and the teaching methods need address? Is it possible s/he needs more attention than a television can provide? Why is the rich executive depressed when he as a stereotypical dream life? Maybe because the stereotypical dream isn’t HIS dream and he’s not living the life HE wants.
And this applies to the unhappy people as well - not just the people pushing them to “fix” themselves and get back to normal. I’m sorry, sometimes you will be unhappy. There is no guarantee on happiness in this life. Sometimes you will be sad, angry, hurt, upset. And that’s OK. You don’t have to make it go away as soon as possible. You don’t need to look for the quick fix nor should you expect to find a quick fix. Sometimes you are unhappy - and with reason. Accept it as a part of life.
Yes, sometimes that housewife is clinically depressed. Yes sometimes that overworked businessperson does have an anxiety disorder. Yes, sometimes that kid does have ADHD. Sometimes there is a medical reason why people aren’t happy.
And sometimes people are legitimately unhappy for perfectly normal, natural reasons.
Unhappiness is not an illness. Sometimes we have a damn good reason to be unhappy. It’s ok to be unhappy. It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be hurt. Sometimes these are perfectly natural, normal, HEALTHY responses to what is happening in our lives. It’s not shameful to be upset or sad. It’s not something you have to tuck away. It’s not even something you need to fix as soon as possible.
Unhappiness is part of who we are - and we can’t truly seek REAL happiness if we’re constantly hiding from, medicating away and generally ignoring our legitimate unhappiness.