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It's fun being a player
May. 24th, 2007 01:00 pmYou get to mess with GM's minds! :)
Larika, Barbarian warrior woman wearily staggered to the gates of New Mycanthia, city of wit, culture and infinite wealth. It had been a long tiring journey but at last she and her companions could meet their employer and inform him of their success.
They enter the inn with weary bodies but lifted hearts and Lord Ushter rises to greet them. He smiles warmly and takes Larika by the hand, admiring the beautiful Barbarian princess’ long golden hair and voluptuous, scantily clad body ...
Me: STOP RIGHT THERE! Scantily clad? She’s wearing plate armour. Since when is SHEET metal “scantily clad?” for gods’ sake. And she doesn’t have long golden hair, she cut it short for comfort wearing a helmet. And she has a rough, atheltic body thank you, NOT voluptuous. She has a heavy physical lifestyle with a poor diet - in what way would she ever be voluptuous.
GM: Fine.
He admires the taut, toned lines of the beautiful barbarian...
Me: Hold it! She’s not beautiful.
GM: What?
Me: She’s not beautiful, not even pretty. She’s a child of a barbarian people whose diet consisted of meat, meat and more meat. Not a healthy diet to ensure future beauty and good teeth. She’s been a warrior for the last 10 years, she’s scarred, her nose has been often broken, she’s missing teeth. And she was naturally broad faced and anvil hard anyway. It’s all on the character sheet.
Gm: *glares*
He admires her warrior’s spirit and despite the marks of a hard life feels drawn to get closer to her
Me: Nope
GM: Bloody hell, now what?
Me: She’s been in the wilderness for, what? 3 months now. Wearing the same armour every day and likely covered in the secretions of the literally hundreds of manky creatures she’s killed. Some of them had acid for blood. And she doesn’t have a pack of Daz in her packs, or many changes of clothes for that matter - the best we can hope for is a quick sluice off in various rivers and streams she’s come across. No-one wants to get close to this lady. Trust me.
GM: But...
Me: Look, she’s as sexy as your grandmother dancing the Macarena in lederhosen! She is an ugly, scarred, grizzled, sinewy, foul smelling, crusty, rough, flat-chested hag of a woman with bad temper and a double handed sword. There will be no sex with the Barbarian!
GM: That’s it, the gay guy isn’t allowed to make Barbarian princesses any more :p
Me: Fine, let me find those elf maiden rules.
Larika, Barbarian warrior woman wearily staggered to the gates of New Mycanthia, city of wit, culture and infinite wealth. It had been a long tiring journey but at last she and her companions could meet their employer and inform him of their success.
They enter the inn with weary bodies but lifted hearts and Lord Ushter rises to greet them. He smiles warmly and takes Larika by the hand, admiring the beautiful Barbarian princess’ long golden hair and voluptuous, scantily clad body ...
Me: STOP RIGHT THERE! Scantily clad? She’s wearing plate armour. Since when is SHEET metal “scantily clad?” for gods’ sake. And she doesn’t have long golden hair, she cut it short for comfort wearing a helmet. And she has a rough, atheltic body thank you, NOT voluptuous. She has a heavy physical lifestyle with a poor diet - in what way would she ever be voluptuous.
GM: Fine.
He admires the taut, toned lines of the beautiful barbarian...
Me: Hold it! She’s not beautiful.
GM: What?
Me: She’s not beautiful, not even pretty. She’s a child of a barbarian people whose diet consisted of meat, meat and more meat. Not a healthy diet to ensure future beauty and good teeth. She’s been a warrior for the last 10 years, she’s scarred, her nose has been often broken, she’s missing teeth. And she was naturally broad faced and anvil hard anyway. It’s all on the character sheet.
Gm: *glares*
He admires her warrior’s spirit and despite the marks of a hard life feels drawn to get closer to her
Me: Nope
GM: Bloody hell, now what?
Me: She’s been in the wilderness for, what? 3 months now. Wearing the same armour every day and likely covered in the secretions of the literally hundreds of manky creatures she’s killed. Some of them had acid for blood. And she doesn’t have a pack of Daz in her packs, or many changes of clothes for that matter - the best we can hope for is a quick sluice off in various rivers and streams she’s come across. No-one wants to get close to this lady. Trust me.
GM: But...
Me: Look, she’s as sexy as your grandmother dancing the Macarena in lederhosen! She is an ugly, scarred, grizzled, sinewy, foul smelling, crusty, rough, flat-chested hag of a woman with bad temper and a double handed sword. There will be no sex with the Barbarian!
GM: That’s it, the gay guy isn’t allowed to make Barbarian princesses any more :p
Me: Fine, let me find those elf maiden rules.