Move along to avoid grumbling
Sep. 3rd, 2008 10:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparkindarknessLife continues to suck sweaty elephant balls. Brother mine continues to be a wreck. Financial paperwork continues to sprout from every orifice. General badness dogs me and puts me in a hacked off mood as well as making me tired.
Me? am tired and irritable. It's emotionally exhausting to ride brother-mine's emotional rollercoaster. It's draining to deal with his depression. Nana is stlll busy trying to recruit us all to insanity land and is wandering more and more - sometimes illclad. Social services are as much use as a chocolate fireguard - I don't NEED someone to listen to us sympathetically. We need help and preferably a home of some kind. Add in the legion of collection agencies, the police I am still chasing and general work and I'm tired tired tired. I've also had no opportunities to do some hermiting. I'm not a social person by nature. I NEED time alone. I need time in silence. I need days where my human interraction is reduced to less than a dozen words. Beloved knows this and is wonderfully and amazingly respectful of my need to be utterly alone - that there are times when even the noise of him on the same floor will annoy me. This is because Beloved is a saint.
No alone time and increasing tiredness are making me increasingly more irritable. Minor irritants I can normally ignore (I'm a naturally affable person with strong reserves of patience) are bugging me excessively which is sending ripples through everyone else.
Brother mine is still utterly depressed and listless with occasional stints of manic cheerfulness. Gah, I just wish he would be ANGRY. I can deal with anger. We're all feeling anger. If he were angry we could rant and rave and destroy things and scream and get all cathartic - but this pining? Gah, do not want. I just don't know the keys to this. If he were a woman (and why do i get to play crying shoulder for their break ups?) there would be much crying and the consumption of several cakes. Big cakes. Smothered in chocolate. And all would be good. For a gay man there would be copious amounts of alcohol, a lot of dancing and some rippling muscles. And all would be good. What's good for a straight guy?
Collection agencies are still being off the good.
Police are still being of the useless. They are getting irritable with me for calling them and poking them. Tough
Parents are of the irritating. They're in the strong "don't get it" mode and seem to be slipping back to old habits (i.e. seem to think that this, somehow, is about them). Focus is on brother now - not them. They were doing so WELL! But they're slipping. This isn't about how THEY took in BQ or how THEY were betrayed or even the money BQ owed them. THIS IS NOT ABOUT THEM *fumes* and I wish they'd pay attention to brother mine's grief and pining. Grief and pining? IS NOT ANGER. Screaming rage about BQ is NOT helping even if she does deserve it because the silly silly silly fool still LOVES her. Yes, it IS insane. Yes he is mad. It's love, remember? Logic is not welcome here. He will be angry but only AFTER he's burned through the loss stage. This is chocolate cake and wine time, not tequila and clothes shredding time.
Other than that things move apace and we know things will get better. Which helps - just knowing pieces will come together again helps a lot.
Me? am tired and irritable. It's emotionally exhausting to ride brother-mine's emotional rollercoaster. It's draining to deal with his depression. Nana is stlll busy trying to recruit us all to insanity land and is wandering more and more - sometimes illclad. Social services are as much use as a chocolate fireguard - I don't NEED someone to listen to us sympathetically. We need help and preferably a home of some kind. Add in the legion of collection agencies, the police I am still chasing and general work and I'm tired tired tired. I've also had no opportunities to do some hermiting. I'm not a social person by nature. I NEED time alone. I need time in silence. I need days where my human interraction is reduced to less than a dozen words. Beloved knows this and is wonderfully and amazingly respectful of my need to be utterly alone - that there are times when even the noise of him on the same floor will annoy me. This is because Beloved is a saint.
No alone time and increasing tiredness are making me increasingly more irritable. Minor irritants I can normally ignore (I'm a naturally affable person with strong reserves of patience) are bugging me excessively which is sending ripples through everyone else.
Brother mine is still utterly depressed and listless with occasional stints of manic cheerfulness. Gah, I just wish he would be ANGRY. I can deal with anger. We're all feeling anger. If he were angry we could rant and rave and destroy things and scream and get all cathartic - but this pining? Gah, do not want. I just don't know the keys to this. If he were a woman (and why do i get to play crying shoulder for their break ups?) there would be much crying and the consumption of several cakes. Big cakes. Smothered in chocolate. And all would be good. For a gay man there would be copious amounts of alcohol, a lot of dancing and some rippling muscles. And all would be good. What's good for a straight guy?
Collection agencies are still being off the good.
Police are still being of the useless. They are getting irritable with me for calling them and poking them. Tough
Parents are of the irritating. They're in the strong "don't get it" mode and seem to be slipping back to old habits (i.e. seem to think that this, somehow, is about them). Focus is on brother now - not them. They were doing so WELL! But they're slipping. This isn't about how THEY took in BQ or how THEY were betrayed or even the money BQ owed them. THIS IS NOT ABOUT THEM *fumes* and I wish they'd pay attention to brother mine's grief and pining. Grief and pining? IS NOT ANGER. Screaming rage about BQ is NOT helping even if she does deserve it because the silly silly silly fool still LOVES her. Yes, it IS insane. Yes he is mad. It's love, remember? Logic is not welcome here. He will be angry but only AFTER he's burned through the loss stage. This is chocolate cake and wine time, not tequila and clothes shredding time.
Other than that things move apace and we know things will get better. Which helps - just knowing pieces will come together again helps a lot.
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(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-03 09:34 pm (UTC)Some traditional options:
-Take up some Manly Sport like rock climbing or football.
-Go to a strip club; get plastered.
-Go to a baseball game (football for Brits, maybe?) and get plastered.
-Retreat into video game madness for three weeks -- Resident Evil types preferred. (Getting plastered is optional here.)
-Go to a bar. Get plastered; sob out life story to uncaring (but well-tipped) bartender.
I believe the key for straight men is Go Somewhere; Get Plastered. Admittedly, this is slanted towards American straight men. I don't know if it'll hold on your side of the pond.
HEY KIDS, WHAT TIME IS IT ?
Date: 2008-09-03 09:47 pm (UTC)get plastered ?
Date: 2008-09-03 09:49 pm (UTC)Re: get plastered ?
Date: 2008-09-03 09:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-03 10:53 pm (UTC)If he's an IM-type person he could probably have people to get drunk with on IM, and maybe pour things out to a stranger that he couldn't to family. I don't know if he wants to be a social drunk or not.
::gives you earplugs and locks your door::
Re: HEY KIDS, WHAT TIME IS IT ?
Date: 2008-09-03 10:54 pm (UTC)Re: HEY KIDS, WHAT TIME IS IT ?
Date: 2008-09-03 11:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-04 12:52 am (UTC)Hey, for what it's worth, you can totally escape to Malaysia and stay with me. I'm pretty quiet, and you can hide in my room because no on but me ever goes in it ^_^
(In return, all I ask for is help with my homework XD)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-04 06:59 am (UTC)I'm told I have more typically male than female emotional reactions, so just FYI, it took me three years and therapy before I could move from grief to anger after I was screwed over by the ex. It's a really, really hard step.
I also understand your need for solitude. I had about a year when life was just crazy and I had no alone time whatsoever (and no private space in the house). As a temporary measure, I used to take a drive after I finished work, stop in a layby, switch off the mobile and read a book for an hour, just to chill out. It wasn't enough but it kept me just about sane. Could something like that work for you on a temporary basis?
I know your brother needs you, but remember to look after yourself too. ::hugs::
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-04 08:21 am (UTC)Jarrod: Booze and Boobies. *nods Sagely*
this is coming from the Euthanatos? Ah well. Sounds good to me anyways.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-04 12:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-05 03:29 pm (UTC)I'd give you my mobile number, with instructions for you, or anyone else who needs a neutral yet sympathetic shoulder to cry on, to call.
So I will do (what I hope is) the next best thing. *hugs* *cupcakes* I hope everything works out soon, for you, Beloved, and your brother.
*lots of love*
And kudos to your Beloved for being such a saint.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-05 03:30 pm (UTC)GAH!
Date: 2008-09-06 12:21 am (UTC)Good luck with everything that is stressing you out in your life.