Well you don't say? Still, some relief
Jul. 25th, 2008 01:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparkindarknessA couple of weeks ago we finally got Nana to see a doctor about her mental condition. Even better we managed to get her away from her usual doctor. Her usual doctor is a waste of space - he is a complete drain on the NHS and a disaster for his elderly patients.
Of course, he works somewhere where all his patients are elderly - and they love him. He has a patient, genial manner and tells them exactly what they want to hear. No matter how daft that is. So you have my great aunt Dora who asked us to take the 1600 prescribed paracetamols away from her because of the rather ill-explained repeat prescription, and other old ladies going to him and saying things along the lines of "Alma gets little pink pills called {insert slow and painfully recited drug name} I want some." And yes, he'll prescribe them. Because these old ladies want pills so they can compare their stash of pills to each other in some kind of weird elderly game of one-upmanship. And he panders to them. Never caring if there is anything actually wrong with them or not - he'll prescribe anything you ask and give out HUGE and never ending repeat prescriptions constantly.
When we went to him with Nana's ever deteriorating mental state he dismissed us with a rather brusque “what do you expect at her age?”
Well, some help, to be honest. But we went away faced with the fact that Nana’s extreme problems were our problems.
Fast-forward 4 years. These problems are now beyond severe, and much of our support network has frazzled and fallen apart as our family becomes less closely knit. It was hard, but not it’s gruelling. Her panic attacks, her lack of memory, her temper fits, her utter irrationality and viciousness and crippling depressing - it’s becoming more of a burden every year and there’s only really my parents (which is hard because she LOATHES my mother) and me who can help now.
But we took her to a new doctor and he took us seriously (thank you!) and today came back with the results of several tests he and the nice jolly jolly nurses had done. With great severity, a lot of comforting (an annoying amount) and a seeming expectation for us to break down and cry he said:
“She has Alzheimer's.”
To which we, without a tear, said “well DUH.”
We’ve spent the last 6 years watching her go from “vaguely eccentric” to “terrifyingly insane.” Ok, it could have been any one of the many forms of dementia out there, but this? This comes as no surprise to us. We’ve been LIVING this damned diagnosis for years now. When she leaves 189 answer machine messages in the space of 2 hours, you know. When she rings you at 4:00am to have a chat, you know. When she screams and rages at you for a solid hour because she wants to go home to a house that was knocked down 36 years ago (there’s a supermarket there now. Her old home is now the frozen food isle of Asda) and we’re all wicked, evil kidnappers, you know. When she sobs piteously because Dad has “left her” (she thinks he’s her husband) and won’t be consoled, you know. When she demands to talk to her 20-year-deceased mother or 50-year-deceased father and then collapses in tears or rages and throw things because you can’t produce them, then you pretty bloody well KNOW. When you have to unblock to toilet because she’s flushed several pairs of socks down it, you know. When you’ve got to clean up her house twice daily you REALLY know. When you have to clam down a panic attack because she can’t be left alone for 2 minutes without demanding attention, you know. And when this all happens and more dozens of times a week then you really really really KNOW.
We didn’t bring her to the doctors to tell us what’s wrong. We came to tell the doctors what is wrong. Because we need help and CANNOT DO THIS ANY MORE. Dad is falling apart. He spends more time with Nana than he does at home. And over the last 4 years he’s come to resent her to a degree that probably borders on hate - and that sends him into a massive guilt trip, which means he overcompensates and spends more time and effort on her. Which makes him resent her even more. He’s destroying himself. Mum isn’t so self-destructive but Nana throws her worst venom at her as the “other woman.” And I’m so many people I’m physically and mentally exhausted trying to keep up with her fractured thought patterns
So it’s official. She has Alzheimer's. The social services and NHS will now be working with us to help before my parents fall apart entirely. Thank you gods.
Of course, he works somewhere where all his patients are elderly - and they love him. He has a patient, genial manner and tells them exactly what they want to hear. No matter how daft that is. So you have my great aunt Dora who asked us to take the 1600 prescribed paracetamols away from her because of the rather ill-explained repeat prescription, and other old ladies going to him and saying things along the lines of "Alma gets little pink pills called {insert slow and painfully recited drug name} I want some." And yes, he'll prescribe them. Because these old ladies want pills so they can compare their stash of pills to each other in some kind of weird elderly game of one-upmanship. And he panders to them. Never caring if there is anything actually wrong with them or not - he'll prescribe anything you ask and give out HUGE and never ending repeat prescriptions constantly.
When we went to him with Nana's ever deteriorating mental state he dismissed us with a rather brusque “what do you expect at her age?”
Well, some help, to be honest. But we went away faced with the fact that Nana’s extreme problems were our problems.
Fast-forward 4 years. These problems are now beyond severe, and much of our support network has frazzled and fallen apart as our family becomes less closely knit. It was hard, but not it’s gruelling. Her panic attacks, her lack of memory, her temper fits, her utter irrationality and viciousness and crippling depressing - it’s becoming more of a burden every year and there’s only really my parents (which is hard because she LOATHES my mother) and me who can help now.
But we took her to a new doctor and he took us seriously (thank you!) and today came back with the results of several tests he and the nice jolly jolly nurses had done. With great severity, a lot of comforting (an annoying amount) and a seeming expectation for us to break down and cry he said:
“She has Alzheimer's.”
To which we, without a tear, said “well DUH.”
We’ve spent the last 6 years watching her go from “vaguely eccentric” to “terrifyingly insane.” Ok, it could have been any one of the many forms of dementia out there, but this? This comes as no surprise to us. We’ve been LIVING this damned diagnosis for years now. When she leaves 189 answer machine messages in the space of 2 hours, you know. When she rings you at 4:00am to have a chat, you know. When she screams and rages at you for a solid hour because she wants to go home to a house that was knocked down 36 years ago (there’s a supermarket there now. Her old home is now the frozen food isle of Asda) and we’re all wicked, evil kidnappers, you know. When she sobs piteously because Dad has “left her” (she thinks he’s her husband) and won’t be consoled, you know. When she demands to talk to her 20-year-deceased mother or 50-year-deceased father and then collapses in tears or rages and throw things because you can’t produce them, then you pretty bloody well KNOW. When you have to unblock to toilet because she’s flushed several pairs of socks down it, you know. When you’ve got to clean up her house twice daily you REALLY know. When you have to clam down a panic attack because she can’t be left alone for 2 minutes without demanding attention, you know. And when this all happens and more dozens of times a week then you really really really KNOW.
We didn’t bring her to the doctors to tell us what’s wrong. We came to tell the doctors what is wrong. Because we need help and CANNOT DO THIS ANY MORE. Dad is falling apart. He spends more time with Nana than he does at home. And over the last 4 years he’s come to resent her to a degree that probably borders on hate - and that sends him into a massive guilt trip, which means he overcompensates and spends more time and effort on her. Which makes him resent her even more. He’s destroying himself. Mum isn’t so self-destructive but Nana throws her worst venom at her as the “other woman.” And I’m so many people I’m physically and mentally exhausted trying to keep up with her fractured thought patterns
So it’s official. She has Alzheimer's. The social services and NHS will now be working with us to help before my parents fall apart entirely. Thank you gods.
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(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-25 12:24 am (UTC)It will only get worse for her, but hopefully with the assistance you should get, it will be less painful for your parents, and all your family.
Such a cruel disease.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-25 12:25 am (UTC)I'm so glad you and your family finally got to someone who can give you help. Nobody should have to deal with that on their own.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-25 12:54 am (UTC)::HUGS:: I'm sorry she's got it, and I'm sorry you've been having to deal with it. But I'm glad at long last that you'll be able to get some help.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-25 01:34 am (UTC)I had a feeling something was going on as you had been mis-spelling a lot lately and other such subtle clues that there has been major stresses in your life.
I hope that your Nana gets some of the good, symptom-relieving meds out there, or that you and your family get a lot of help from the system to deal with the downward spiral.
Are you contemplating a full-care facility that specializes in Alzheimer's/dementia?
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-25 03:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-25 04:59 am (UTC)I'm glad that your family is finally going to get the help you have needed for so long.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-25 06:32 am (UTC)Glad someone has finally listened - my grandfather had Alzheimers and it puts such a strain on the family.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-25 07:00 am (UTC)Stories like that make my blood boil. He's incompetent, he's over-prescribing and he's causing far more harm than good. You don't prescribe "little pink pills" just because the patient wants them - you do it because they need them.
Report him to the PCT or to the GMC. He needs to be stopped.
And I'm so glad you're now getting help. It's amazing how good it feels if you find a competent GP who will listen.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-25 07:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-25 08:06 am (UTC)=(
Date: 2008-07-25 08:26 am (UTC)Oh. By the way, does your nana have any heart issues? If not, you might want to ask the doctor to prescribe her some anti-inflammatory medication. There's a sect of researchers which currently believe that part of the reason for Alzheimer's is due to an abnormal immune response (The long version: the immune system inside the brain, for one reason or another, starts to regard its environment as under attack. Thus, it repeatedly tries to raise the temperature and send in defense cells. However, since there really isn't anything to eradicate, the efforts does not succeed. Therefore, the immune response pulls a morbius loop, eventually cooking chemicals in the brain into the so-called plaque.), so meds which turn down the immune responses may help in slowing the physical damage. This would give your fem hive a bit more time with her, if she also takes other drugs which are specifically designed for alzheimer's, since those should help with improving her mental functions.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-25 02:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-25 02:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 06:53 am (UTC)I am so sorry to hear of what you're going through.
Take care, and I wish you all the best.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 02:57 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 03:21 pm (UTC)This is what I've been telling dad - the doc said it was just old age and I've been screaming that NO, most old people aren't like this. This is a whole new level of fugly. I think it's a relief that it's finally confirmed that, no he's NOT weak, most people's parents AREN'T like this.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 03:23 pm (UTC)We've needed help for so long. i'm glad there is something
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 03:27 pm (UTC)Thank you. I knew she had it - I'm just happy we're not alone supoorting it
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 03:30 pm (UTC)More because I don't use spellcheckers too much and tend to run things off as quickly as I can - my fingers are faster than my mind. But, aye, there's been less proof reading and less double checking.
I think it will be necessary. more and more she simply can't be left alone - she needs someone there all the time. She can't clean herself or her home, she just can't function any more.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 03:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 03:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 03:42 pm (UTC)Alzheimers is just horrendous. To my mind Nana died 10 years ago - but Alzheimers has kept her body moving round. There's nothing left of her.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 04:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 04:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 04:10 pm (UTC)Re: =(
Date: 2008-07-26 04:16 pm (UTC)At this stage stopping her getting worse would be nice- but too late. She has reached a stage where there just isn't much worse. But if there is worse I really don't want to see it.
We've discussed it as a family and we can't handle this any more. She needs to go into a care home of some kind. We can't do this and certainly not as she gets worse. For our own sanity and especially to stop my dad cracking we can't keep her in her own home any more. I don't think she's dangerous to others but she's so unhappy all the time and so lost and not safe to herself.
To my knowledge her heart is good, I think the doc is looking at 101 options. I didn't really listen to the full array because they were offeruing so much. I'll have to ask hikm about that one
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 04:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 04:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 05:09 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-26 05:10 pm (UTC)Heh, forms I can deal with!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-27 12:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-27 12:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-27 10:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-30 12:22 am (UTC)Blessings
L
Re: =(
Date: 2008-07-30 03:45 pm (UTC)If I get it, but I'm lucky enough to be diagnosed early, I plan on fighting it with everything I have. But if/when I get like your Nana, I'd want to be put down.
Good luck, and I hope you can find some kind of care assistance - homecare, respite care, or a placement in an institution, whatever you can get and whatever you need.