A Tale of 2 Kitties

[sparkindarkness]

As I have said, my brother is still staying with us until the burnt out shell of his former home is returned to a vaguely habitable state. And yes, it is taking waaaay too much time (update on that later)

What is less apparent is that my bother's cat is also staying here. Yes, Mia, the ultra-cute Snow Bengal kitten. Well, not so much kitten any more. She's freaking HUUUGE, but apparently not full grown.

My current cat, Socks, is a much much older dignified, reticent grand-dame crotchety old moggy who is NOT happy with this young pile of energy playing onnher lawn. She alternates between condescending terribly to Mia and trying to eat her eyeballs.



Today's incident is brought to you by Beloved and his horrible Tuna N Sweetcorn (the 'n' is imporant. Just ask Dinner Ladies) sandwich filler. I have never understood his fondness for this muck. You can pay a ridiculous price for what is APPARENTLY Tuna N sweetcorn filler (which tastes nothing like either, but does have a remarkable resemblance in look, smell, and, one would assume, taste to cat vomit) OR you can open a nice, cheap tin of tuna, throw in some sweetcorn, mix with mayonnaise and voila, perfectly acceptable sandwich filling of divine yumminess. His decision to add cheese slices to the mix (the kind of cheese that looks like it has never seen milk and has instead been extruded from a single sheet of polyvinylchloride) does not improve matters.

Beloved: *chews disgusting excuse for a sandwich, really how can he defile bread with that filth?*
Mia: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! Oh my god he has foooooooood! *leaps on seat next to him* FOOD FOOD FOOD!
Socks: You are a disgrace to all things feline. *stares hard at Beloved* I demand tribute.
Mia: FOOOOOOOOD! *leaps to back of chair and tries to climb down Beloved's shoulder* FOOD FOOD! Oh my gods I'm STARVING! FEEEEED ME!
Socks: *STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRE*
Mia: FOOOD! Why can't you see me?! *leaps to other side, leaps to floor, runs round Socks (is swatted), runs back to original side* Food! Oh please food food food food food!
Socks: Resistance is futile *STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE!*
Mia: FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD!! *JUMPS up onto Beloved trying to land on plate*
Beloved: *desperately tries to juggle lap full of plate, handfull of sandwich and hyperactive cat*
Socks: *STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE* I will drill through your skull with my eyes.

Beloved: Argh, ok, have some! *gives in and launches gobbets of sandiwch spread at cats*
Mia: FOOOOOOOOOOOD! *gobble gobble gobble scatter*
Socks: *sniffs* What is this shit? You do not expect me to believe you are actually eating this. Give me the real food, human, I am not so easily fooled *STARE*
Mia: MOOORE food! *attack plate*
Beloved: *desperately scatters more alleged Tuna*
Mia: *runs all over gobbling, missing huge chunks* MORE?!
Beloved: Look, you've missed a bit. You're not having more until you eat that *points*
Mia: *looks at finger* There is no food on that finger? Where's the food?
Socks: *STTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRE*
Beloved: LOOOK you stupid cat! *picks up Mia and plonks her down with her head nearly in scattered piece of tuna paste*
Mia: *sniffs* I don't want this bit. I want another bit. Yes, yes I do. *tries to attack plate again*
Socks: *STARE, bloody STARE damn it*
Beloved: Look, you eat Socks'. She doesn't like it *pokes Mia towards Socks*
Socks: HELL NO BIATCH! *swat, hiss, growl, spit* It's MINE!
Beloved: But you don't like it!
Socks: And this matters, why? It's mine. She may not have it.
Beloved: AHA! I've finished the sandwich *drops plate* no more left girls.
Mia: *leaps on plate* CRUMBS! oh my god crumbs! SOOOOOOOOO GOOOOD! CRUMBS CRUMBS CRUMBS!
Socks: DO not lie to me human, you are going to the real food now *stalks Beloved for the next hour*