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sparkindarknessI think i know why i fell into a rut. because this fic isn't GOING anywhere. I can see where it's going to arrive, but I can't GET IT THERE. *prods muses* MOVE damn it! It's rambling an awful lot and I'm sick of these looooong wordy introspection moments. *glares* *sulks* *pouts*
“Whoa, this place is fucking HUGE!” I heard Rick’s voiced echo through the silent halls.
I was vaguely aware of Rick approaching me and taking my arm. His fingers were gentle on my wrist tattoo but my breath still came out in a hiss of pain. The flesh around them was swollen, weeping, red and sore. The wards had flared to life with my magic.
“Are they going to make you pay for that?” Rick prodded the splinters with a toe while gently pulling me to my feet.
“It was over 400 years old,” I said ruefully, calming down just with his presence.
“Really? Shit, they don’t pay libraries enough anywhere! You’d think they’d have been able to afford new by now.” He exclaimed, sifting through the shards of oak. “Should we get them an Ikea catalogue?”
I had to smile at him, even as he gently dragged me to the next seat and carefully rolled back my sleeves from the weeping tattoos. “This place sets my nerves on edge.” I said in explanation.
He shrugged. “A whole castle full of super powerful magic fuckwits who want to kill you? Really? Well fuck me, I never realised that’d screw with your head.”
“Sarcasm ill-becomes you Rick. You’re not good enough at it.” I tried to smack him but he was still holding my arms.
“And it’s not the death threat...” I added, sighing. “It’s this place, this castle, this library - where only Camaalis have ever walked and here I...” I blinked and looked at Rick, suddenly grasping that he was here. “Rick... what are you doing here?”
“I came to get a book,” he grinned and waved a piece of paper at me.
“How did you get in?” I asked.
“Through the door.” He frowned, “did you hit your head or something?”
I shook of his hands, “what about the wards?”
“What wards?” Rick growled, patience fraying a little.
“This is the Camaalis library, Rick” I said, forcing my voice to be calm. “No-one but Camaalis has ever stood in these halls. Not the vassal families, not friends, not allies, not servants - no-one. The wards hide the library and destroy anyone attempting to gain access. You should not be here.”
“Bu-but Pretzel sent me here!” He gaped, eyes darting as if looking for hidden Camaalis assassins.
“Prisa sent you?” Translating Rick to English usually took considerable effort but this was making no sense. “Tell me what happened.”
Rick took a deep breath and sat down. “Nikolai took me to sort my head out - that was totally fucked up what you guys have done to the spirits here - and when I woke up there was him and this old woman and Liam all talking to each other. Then Nikolai - who’s even more fucked up, by the way - gave this little wooden thing,” he held up a wooden carving the size of my thumb, I could feel my eyes widen before I forced my face to stillness.
“Ugly shit, isn’t it?” Rick continued, apparently missing my shock. “Then he bitched about my hair - what the fuck is with you guys and the hair? - Then Prisa said welcome home - hey, one of your relatives finally broke out the welcome wagon for us, nice that one of them doesn’t want us dead - and gave me a list of books she said I needed to read - and why do I get fucking Camaalis homework? No-one gave you a fucking reading list! - and told me were the library was then they kicked me out like I was covered in shit and dripping on the carpet. So I came down here and found you having your daily freak out. The end, be sure to tune in next week to see how much more fucked up freaks Camaalis can throw at us. Darren?”
I realised I was breathing too fast, but couldn’t seem to slow it. My head sank into my arms, I was shaking, there were tears running down my face... I felt numb, like it was someone else who had broken down. Distantly I heard someone speaking in a panicked broken voice, it echoed in my ears before I even realised it was me who was speaking.
“They’re taking it, they’re taking it all...” I gasped, fighting for breath. “They’ve got my home, they stole my home, they’ve got everything... everything I made, everything I ran from, everything I fought for and fought against - they’ve taken it all and they’ve bringing it all back. Now they’ve got you, they’re taking you - I can’t have anything, I can’t BE anything...”
“Ow, fuck!“ Rick yelped. I blinked and the world seemed to come back into focus, despair and pain welled inside me, but I could feel them, they were my emotions. I had had years of fighting my emotions every day from the moment I woke to the moment I collapsed into sleep - they couldn’t break me. I could control them. I felt winded, but my breathing was back under control.
I was lying on the floor. Rick stood over me, cradling his right hand. I moved my jaw carefully, it felt like someone had hit me in the face with a hammer.
“Feeling better?” He asked, still cradling his hand as if it were broken. I didn’t seem to have much sympathy for him.
“Yes,” I said, carefully. “Thank you.” I sat up, carefully. Everything seemed to ache.
“So, do you want to explain what’s happening? Do I need to know?” Rick asked, he wasn’t being sarcastic. His voice was... careful and neutral. He didn’t even curse. It was my choice, if I could not cope then he was giving me the option not to have to. It was a balm, a wonderful precious warming balm. In that moment I could not remember a time when I had loved him more.
“They’re...” I paused and tried to order my thoughts. “Camaalis don’t marry outside the clan. It weakens us to have people in the family who are not Camaalis. Any partners we have outside the clan are considered unofficial and are never considered Camaalis.” He nodded. “But sometimes that partner is a Magician, a powerful one, maybe even as powerful as us, or nearly so. Then they can be married... and they become Camaalis. They are adopted.”
“Adopted.” Rick’s jaw dropped, the list of books in his hand fell from his grip. “Me? Seriously?”
I caught the list and skimmed it briefly. “Camaalis history, basic magical theory, Camaalis etiquette, Camaalis ethics... Basic education for a Camaalis - the first things a newly adopted Camaalis needs to know.”
“This is crazy!” He yelped. “They didn’t say anything about adoption!”
“Nikolai gave you a ruig“ I said, fingering the little wooden talisman. “It’s like a medal, or a badge - a mark of achievement. Only Camaalis wear them. You‘re in the Camaalis library. We‘ve kept gods out before now, Rick. Only Camaalis can get in here.”
“Ok. Camaalis. Will I have to dye my hair black? Do I get cool contacts to make my eyes look freaky?”
I glared at him. “Rick, this is serious.”
“Really?” He gaped at me, eyes wide in mock shock. “You don’t say? But, I don’t get the hysteria. You‘ve got people around you who want to kill you, you‘ve got a big bad Sorcerer out there who wants to kill us all, all kinds of shit is raining down and you‘re having the screaming meemies because they‘re trying to change my last name?” He shook his head. “It’s not going to change me, is it? What, you thought the minute I became Camaalis, I’d hate you? I’d become as fucked up as they are? I wouldn’t be yours any more?”
I tried to keep my face blank but knew my eyes flinched. He came round and sat next to me, grinning madly. “That’s it, isn’t it? I’m going to become Camaalis and then I will be theirs and I’ll hate you, you evil Sorcerer, you. Did anyone ever tell you how fucked up you are?”
He hugged me, just short of too tight. He kissed his way down my cheek to my mouth, delicate, feather light kisses. “You are mine,” he kissed me again, a soft velvet touch of lips. “You will always be mine.” Another kiss, warm and wet. “If I have to become a depraved stalker and follow you the rest of your days, you will always be mine.” He kissed me again, harder, stronger. I pushed against him, trying to get closer while his gentle hands held my face, held me back. “Don’t ever doubt that, Darren. Not now, not ever.”
I leaned in for another kiss, but he gently pushed me away. “I’m not going to piss off my new in-laws by fucking about in their precious library. I get enough Camaalis glares off you, I don’t need it a hundred times over.” He grinned and ruffled my hair - on purpose! “Now where’re these books?”
I grumbled and found the books for him, making sure got a hefty dose of that fearsome glare he feared so much.
“Whoa, this place is fucking HUGE!” I heard Rick’s voiced echo through the silent halls.
I was vaguely aware of Rick approaching me and taking my arm. His fingers were gentle on my wrist tattoo but my breath still came out in a hiss of pain. The flesh around them was swollen, weeping, red and sore. The wards had flared to life with my magic.
“Are they going to make you pay for that?” Rick prodded the splinters with a toe while gently pulling me to my feet.
“It was over 400 years old,” I said ruefully, calming down just with his presence.
“Really? Shit, they don’t pay libraries enough anywhere! You’d think they’d have been able to afford new by now.” He exclaimed, sifting through the shards of oak. “Should we get them an Ikea catalogue?”
I had to smile at him, even as he gently dragged me to the next seat and carefully rolled back my sleeves from the weeping tattoos. “This place sets my nerves on edge.” I said in explanation.
He shrugged. “A whole castle full of super powerful magic fuckwits who want to kill you? Really? Well fuck me, I never realised that’d screw with your head.”
“Sarcasm ill-becomes you Rick. You’re not good enough at it.” I tried to smack him but he was still holding my arms.
“And it’s not the death threat...” I added, sighing. “It’s this place, this castle, this library - where only Camaalis have ever walked and here I...” I blinked and looked at Rick, suddenly grasping that he was here. “Rick... what are you doing here?”
“I came to get a book,” he grinned and waved a piece of paper at me.
“How did you get in?” I asked.
“Through the door.” He frowned, “did you hit your head or something?”
I shook of his hands, “what about the wards?”
“What wards?” Rick growled, patience fraying a little.
“This is the Camaalis library, Rick” I said, forcing my voice to be calm. “No-one but Camaalis has ever stood in these halls. Not the vassal families, not friends, not allies, not servants - no-one. The wards hide the library and destroy anyone attempting to gain access. You should not be here.”
“Bu-but Pretzel sent me here!” He gaped, eyes darting as if looking for hidden Camaalis assassins.
“Prisa sent you?” Translating Rick to English usually took considerable effort but this was making no sense. “Tell me what happened.”
Rick took a deep breath and sat down. “Nikolai took me to sort my head out - that was totally fucked up what you guys have done to the spirits here - and when I woke up there was him and this old woman and Liam all talking to each other. Then Nikolai - who’s even more fucked up, by the way - gave this little wooden thing,” he held up a wooden carving the size of my thumb, I could feel my eyes widen before I forced my face to stillness.
“Ugly shit, isn’t it?” Rick continued, apparently missing my shock. “Then he bitched about my hair - what the fuck is with you guys and the hair? - Then Prisa said welcome home - hey, one of your relatives finally broke out the welcome wagon for us, nice that one of them doesn’t want us dead - and gave me a list of books she said I needed to read - and why do I get fucking Camaalis homework? No-one gave you a fucking reading list! - and told me were the library was then they kicked me out like I was covered in shit and dripping on the carpet. So I came down here and found you having your daily freak out. The end, be sure to tune in next week to see how much more fucked up freaks Camaalis can throw at us. Darren?”
I realised I was breathing too fast, but couldn’t seem to slow it. My head sank into my arms, I was shaking, there were tears running down my face... I felt numb, like it was someone else who had broken down. Distantly I heard someone speaking in a panicked broken voice, it echoed in my ears before I even realised it was me who was speaking.
“They’re taking it, they’re taking it all...” I gasped, fighting for breath. “They’ve got my home, they stole my home, they’ve got everything... everything I made, everything I ran from, everything I fought for and fought against - they’ve taken it all and they’ve bringing it all back. Now they’ve got you, they’re taking you - I can’t have anything, I can’t BE anything...”
“Ow, fuck!“ Rick yelped. I blinked and the world seemed to come back into focus, despair and pain welled inside me, but I could feel them, they were my emotions. I had had years of fighting my emotions every day from the moment I woke to the moment I collapsed into sleep - they couldn’t break me. I could control them. I felt winded, but my breathing was back under control.
I was lying on the floor. Rick stood over me, cradling his right hand. I moved my jaw carefully, it felt like someone had hit me in the face with a hammer.
“Feeling better?” He asked, still cradling his hand as if it were broken. I didn’t seem to have much sympathy for him.
“Yes,” I said, carefully. “Thank you.” I sat up, carefully. Everything seemed to ache.
“So, do you want to explain what’s happening? Do I need to know?” Rick asked, he wasn’t being sarcastic. His voice was... careful and neutral. He didn’t even curse. It was my choice, if I could not cope then he was giving me the option not to have to. It was a balm, a wonderful precious warming balm. In that moment I could not remember a time when I had loved him more.
“They’re...” I paused and tried to order my thoughts. “Camaalis don’t marry outside the clan. It weakens us to have people in the family who are not Camaalis. Any partners we have outside the clan are considered unofficial and are never considered Camaalis.” He nodded. “But sometimes that partner is a Magician, a powerful one, maybe even as powerful as us, or nearly so. Then they can be married... and they become Camaalis. They are adopted.”
“Adopted.” Rick’s jaw dropped, the list of books in his hand fell from his grip. “Me? Seriously?”
I caught the list and skimmed it briefly. “Camaalis history, basic magical theory, Camaalis etiquette, Camaalis ethics... Basic education for a Camaalis - the first things a newly adopted Camaalis needs to know.”
“This is crazy!” He yelped. “They didn’t say anything about adoption!”
“Nikolai gave you a ruig“ I said, fingering the little wooden talisman. “It’s like a medal, or a badge - a mark of achievement. Only Camaalis wear them. You‘re in the Camaalis library. We‘ve kept gods out before now, Rick. Only Camaalis can get in here.”
“Ok. Camaalis. Will I have to dye my hair black? Do I get cool contacts to make my eyes look freaky?”
I glared at him. “Rick, this is serious.”
“Really?” He gaped at me, eyes wide in mock shock. “You don’t say? But, I don’t get the hysteria. You‘ve got people around you who want to kill you, you‘ve got a big bad Sorcerer out there who wants to kill us all, all kinds of shit is raining down and you‘re having the screaming meemies because they‘re trying to change my last name?” He shook his head. “It’s not going to change me, is it? What, you thought the minute I became Camaalis, I’d hate you? I’d become as fucked up as they are? I wouldn’t be yours any more?”
I tried to keep my face blank but knew my eyes flinched. He came round and sat next to me, grinning madly. “That’s it, isn’t it? I’m going to become Camaalis and then I will be theirs and I’ll hate you, you evil Sorcerer, you. Did anyone ever tell you how fucked up you are?”
He hugged me, just short of too tight. He kissed his way down my cheek to my mouth, delicate, feather light kisses. “You are mine,” he kissed me again, a soft velvet touch of lips. “You will always be mine.” Another kiss, warm and wet. “If I have to become a depraved stalker and follow you the rest of your days, you will always be mine.” He kissed me again, harder, stronger. I pushed against him, trying to get closer while his gentle hands held my face, held me back. “Don’t ever doubt that, Darren. Not now, not ever.”
I leaned in for another kiss, but he gently pushed me away. “I’m not going to piss off my new in-laws by fucking about in their precious library. I get enough Camaalis glares off you, I don’t need it a hundred times over.” He grinned and ruffled my hair - on purpose! “Now where’re these books?”
I grumbled and found the books for him, making sure got a hefty dose of that fearsome glare he feared so much.
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-08-25 03:16 am (UTC)Darren needs to stop being a whiny emo brat and get over himself. I'm sorry, but he does. The reason why, I think, is that he's stopped developing as a character. Earlier on, he was learning how to be happy, and changing; now he's gone back to bemoaning his fate instead of doing something about it. (In Pratchett-esque style, if you follow your lucky star and believe, you're going to get stepped on by people who go out and do.) He needs to come to a Big Dramatic Revelation or start learning little things or start teaching little things to his family. Something to keep him from emo'ing.
Rick, on the other hand, is incredibly sweet. Please don't change his last name. My mother didn't either. That doesn't make her any less my mother. And Rick belongs to Darren.
I think they need to have really, disturbingly loud kink!sex the first night in, just to annoy the Camaalis. And then at breakfast the next morning be really peppy about it.
Also, yes. The moments between the big huge battles in stories like these are hard. As I said above, I think part of it is that Darren has temporarily stopped becoming, but a lot is because Rick hasn't started knocking sense into the Camaalis . . . he is going to do that, right? Because they put me in the mind of the "Fiddler on the Roof" shtetlpeople, so caught up in Tradition that they can't see the huge swathes of it that aren't useful without significant changes, or need to be tossed altogether. And Rick's from this side of the Pond, which means he's politically incorrect (or maybe just impolite) enough to do it.
I wants porn. >.> hat do I have to do to get porn out of you?
(no subject)
Date: 2007-08-29 10:45 pm (UTC)He needs a jump start, and I think that's the next step and hopefully Rick will provide it, or just his family not being the daemons he paints them in his head as might.
Rick is always sweet, I'm not sure how Camaalis will fiddle with the name though. And they need to have loud kink sex ANYWAY (it won't annoy camaalis, alas, since they're quite happy with wild kink sex. They don't really have sexual hang ups. Makes them difficult to annoy with obnoixious sex. But I'm willing to try). At breakfast the next morning? Camaalis will make suggestions and comments and even rate style. Including elderly members. Including Darren's parents. Really. They will. Rick will then MELT (he could take it if they were embarrassing someone else, but sitting at a table and having Darren's grandmother say "I prefer leather restraints to handcuffs, have you tried this new flogger?" would break Rick.)
The lag between action and development is getting to me, it's like looking for a way out and only seeing a long dull road to it. Rick and Camaalis are going to have a... spirited exchange of views. He may wake them up on some issues, and they may teach him many more (on many levels, they are RIGHT, that's the thing). I think it will be an interesting melding
I wanna write porn! It's been ages. I can't decide whether beloved has to be told to inspire me more or inspire me less