Ah another day, another dose of insanity.

[sparkindarkness]

The phone rings, the answer machine picks it up

(Side note: There is actually a small war going on in the family regarding answer machines. The Family Female Collective think everyone should be Olympic sprinters running flat out to the phone when it rings and should only let the answer machine get it if they are more than 3 miles away from it, severely ill or dead. Even then they give themselves the most time possible, making sure the phone rings 9 times before the machine picks it up, then they have a message that says their number, their mobile numbers and possibly good psychics that may be able to contact them - don‘t ring them from a pay-as-you-go mobile, you‘ll run out of credit before you get to leave a message. Beloved and I have a machine that picks up after the second ring. We don’t even try to answer it. The Hive Vagina {accepting their noble responsibility of policing two males who have no woman to control them properly) accuses us of the evil crime of call screening. To which we say “yes, of course.” This is apparently NOT the right answer and is on par with saying “Of COURSE I drowned toddlers and eat their brains, doesn’t everyone?” But I digress.)

So the answer machine has picked up. Spying the little blinking light, beloved plays the message. then scrambles for the volume so the neighbours aren’t struck deaf.


Nana *recorded*: Now you stop talking and listen to me, never mind talking over me! I’m going to have MY say and you’re going to listen to me, do you hear me? Well? Well? Now you’re ignoring me! That’s wicked! WICKED! I never thought you’d do something so bad to me, my own family, it’s wicked *sniff*. I wish tha-

Robot woman who lives in answer machine: END OF MESSAGES

Beloved: Your grandmother just had a steaming argument with the answer machine.
Me: I fear my genetics sometimes.

Comments

[amynnah.livejournal.com]

Dear God... I couldn't stop giggling. Thanks Spark, I needed that laugh. :)

[being-here.livejournal.com]

I've laughed so hard my back hurts. Owie.

My dad has the same attitude to call screening.

[bubblesbrnaid]

*snerk*

I always wondered if we had relatives overseas. Now I know.

[seryan.livejournal.com]

People do not pay attention to what is said at the beginning of telephone calls. I work in tech support. Trust me. I know.

[ladydyani.livejournal.com]

Haha, that's our message on the machine. "We're either not here, or we don't want to talk to you. If we don't call you back, you'll know which one it is." Hmm. I should probably change that once I start applying for jobs.

Could be worse. My BIL has the longest message in recorded history. He lists the full names, including the middle name of himself, his wife, and all five kids. It takes forever. I quit leaving messages and just started hanging up. He has the same message on his frigging cell phone as well.

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

New service, from Nana Telecom: call screaming.

[stormcat.livejournal.com]

I think I just made milk come out my daughter's nose from laughing so hard.

[buddykat.livejournal.com]

Your BIL should be beaten. Although at least it's not a "cutesy" message... my mother once had a phone number one digit off a local radio station - at one time, their message said "you have reached home station X.X.X.X (their last name), blah, blah, blah". Needless to say, I avoided calling as much as possible.

[polarbee.livejournal.com]

I don't understand why some people object to call screening. But I can't stop giggling at the thought of having an argument with an answering machine.

I hope you don't mind me adding you awhile ago. I loved your sense of humor in your posts in customers_suck.

[semiotic-pirate.livejournal.com]

At least they (your fem-hive) have answering machines! My mom has NEVER owned one. She only got a cell phone where she could get voicemail a few years ago... and only figured out how to get/check the messages about six months ago.

OY!

Do either you or your grandmother talk to or argue with any other appliances? *inquiring look*

[solid-squid.livejournal.com]

"I quit leaving messages and just started hanging up."

Most likely this is why he has such a long message. Not for you personally, but for when he can't be bothered answering the phone

[althaea101.livejournal.com]

LOL.....I have the same worry at times about mine.

[thisdaydreamer.livejournal.com]

I hope she never gets lost in an IVR system.

[logophilos.livejournal.com]

But does *she* think there's a robot woman living in the answer machine too?

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Glad to be of service :) She's good for some comic relief.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Owie, but laughter good.

They are insane. Call screening saves sanity!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

the insanity is everywhere!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

It's an eternal torment. I'd be so tempted to start with "Welcome to hell where we try to make your life miserable, I will be your chief tormentor, how can I help you?"

But they'd LISTEN then

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I like that message *steals*

Argh, i would stab him a lot. Then I would reincarnate him and stab him some more

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

oh novelty messages! People singing or getting their 5 year old to ssay it! Argh, hate it! *STABSTABSTABSTABSTABSTAB*

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Oh how I wish I could opt out!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

*baaad mental picture*

LOL

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I don't see it at all.. it's so sensible. She does it on a regular basis, can't tell a recoded voice from an actual voice and she never listens to us


Of course not :) The more the merrier

[stormcat.livejournal.com]

Well, I -am- still nursing her. *grin*

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Arghh,l how can you live without answering machines?


I beg and plead with computers. She swears angrily at any appliance :)

[ladydyani.livejournal.com]

I think it actually is his version of being cutesy. He's just not very good at it.

[ladydyani.livejournal.com]

No, I think he did it because he just married the chick, and didn't want anyone to feel left out. Two of those kids don't even live with them.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Well, I have the pleasure of knowing it won't be my problem :)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

*shudder* the thought make me spasm in shock

[ladydyani.livejournal.com]

I think the funniest message ever would be "Hi! We're screening. Say your name loud or we might not hear you."

You'd probably have four or five messages in a row from the same people, getting progressively louder.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

She has never heard the answer machine from that side :) So it is limited to me.... MY robot woman :)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I nmow have a picture of a woman nursing a baby, the woman laughing extremely hard and milk coming out the baby's ears

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

We already fill our machine! That would drive us mad

[stormcat.livejournal.com]

Pretty much ;)

[semiotic-pirate.livejournal.com]

aha! so for you, the change has already begun...

makes me think of that cthulu related story - the one with the town full of people who had made the bargain with the undersea folk... the slow change to fish-creature over a lifetime.

you mean to tell me you talk to a computer but you don't talk to the characters in a movie (on television, I don't think you do this in public yet)- you know, like in a horror movie when they're about to do something really stupid that you or I would spot in a second and avoid and that they're blithely walking right into?