People wonder why I am insane. Then they meet my family

[sparkindarkness]

Midsomer murders marathon!

Well, I bought madre the first 2 box sets for Yule and she’s finally getting round to watching them and since I like them too (and can catch some tasty madre cooking rather than the wonderful meals we cook reheat. Besides, my brother has visited which means there is nothing to eat until we go shopping - VIKING RAIDS left more behind than my brother. Locusts couldn’t strip the kitchen more).

Of course, we’re only 6 episodes in (because each episode is a good 90 mins long):

Madre: I wouldn’t want to live in Midsomer, it’s the most dangerous place in the world (being a small rural county plagued with more murders than Hull)
Me: I’d love it, I’d arrange a Pride Parade and it would all be fine.
Madre: Pride Parades stop murder?
Me: When there’s that many closet cases, yeah
Madre: Closet cases?
Me: We’re 6 programmes in and we’ve had, what, 4-5 homosexual couples? All closeted. San Francisco is straighter than this place.
Madre: Being in the closet causes murder then?
Me: Definitely
Madre: Did you plan on a killing spree if you hadn’t come out?
Me: Yep, that closet door stayed closed and I’d be stabbing everyone around me.
Madre: Stabbing? Think of the blood you’d get everywhere! You’d be caught and have to plead insanity.
Me: Hello, kind of driven insane, planning wasn't part of it. Besides, I’d clean it up...
Madre: And then they’d pull out the luminol and arrest you. And that would destroy your insanity plea.
Me: Well I’d be on a mad killing spree...
Madre: So? I’m a diabetic, your dad has high blood pressure - all that education and you didn’t even think to meddle with our pills.

She watches far too many forensic programmes on television. Yes, yes she does. If she ever took it in her head to kill my father I am sure we’d never know about it.

Comments

[elrohana.livejournal.com]

Sparky, you git! I just sprayed Gelnmorangie on my monitor!

[elrohana.livejournal.com]

or Glenmorangie, even. See, now I have teh dyselxsia and its all your fault!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Alas, poor whiskey

heh, i have shattered the glen tranquility! *awards self a star*

[procris.livejournal.com]

My mom, too, has a thing for Dead Body shows. I think it's really a consipiracy to train middle-aged to elderly housewives to become a crack force of assassins and cover thier tracks well. That or instill the idea that the forensics labs of the USA are not only stocked with massive geniuses, but are also so hideously over funded that they can instantly solve ANY crime. It's really hard to suspend my disbelief on that one; I mean, who ever heard of an over funded federal agency?

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

Congress is a federal agency.

[seryan.livejournal.com]

Wow, your mom talks just like mine. I'm a little scared that there are at least two women in the world like that, yet I welcome my own future...

[ladydyani.livejournal.com]

I would have thought of the pill thing.

[enigmatism75.livejournal.com]

I like the way she seems disappointed that you've wasted all that education on a career instead of becoming a serial killer of the most devious kind. :D