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sparkindarknessAs all of our workloads go through the ROOF, we are all becoming considerably less patient with stupidity. We don’t have enough hours in the day to deal with idiots and we have so many clients we can all do to drive off a couple of them by telling them what wastes of skin they are (which gives us all a happy feeling).
This one is for my colleague, the ever-so-efficient yet eternally boring business lawyer *shudder*.
It seems a client came to her in a vast huff about a contract she drafted for him. A contract worth potentially millions of pounds that she custom drafted for him to cover all the excessive idiosyncrasies of his business relations (she charged a vast amount for drafting it because, as she put it “these two guys were on crack when they agreed to these terms.” She had to do this from scratch with no precedent (lawyers hardly ever draft ANYTHING from scratch. We find an old contract in our computer, tweak some of the details then present it to the client with a huge bill) because apparently our precedent system made no provision for the utterly insane.
We all consider this to be a severe lapse considering our clients.
Anyway, he came in storming in a fury because he was being sued and apparently the contract wasn’t going to stand up in court. He stood to lose millions apparently (she rather doubts this since the figure seemed to expand with every repetition and towards the end of the conversation it was apparent she was dealing with Bill Gates in disguise).
My colleague, being supremely confident that her contract was incredibly good considering it covered a deal that even the Mad Hatter would consider a little eccentric was not so easily fooled. She adamantly demanded to see all relevant documentation on the case or she would be happy to show him the door – to the kennels.
He loudly huffs that “she’s a lawyer” and therefore could find the information herself. She calmly replies that yes, she could. Then she would bill him for research time.
This, unsurprisingly, caused him to do the classic client wordless huff (well, we always put it down as wordless since its at this point we usually stop listening and just clock up the billing units) and finally gives her the name of the case “so she can do her job.”
Unfortunately for him, she’s actually very good at her job. She also has an annoyingly good memory. She politely pointed out that the other person in this case does not appear to be the person she originally drafted the contract for.
Because he wasn’t. Nor were the other dozen or so people he has decided to use this contract with.
Yes, it would seem that client, in an attempt to save himself money, had her draft one contract then has taken it upon his untrained, ignorant self to edit (though my esteemed colleague tells me that the term “mauled” may be more appropriate) the contract to fit any and all of his customers and business partners AND suppliers. All of them. One single contract. Edited by someone who hasn’t even been slapped round the head with a law book (yet). I want to make this clear - we're not talking standard terms and conditions - we're talking VASTLY different deals under vastly different terms for vastly different products AND services all shoe-horned under one mauled contract.
I have not the words.
Thankfully my esteemed colleague did – and she used them. At length and at great volume. Then released the Hounds.
Some days I just feel soooo justified charging so much. After all, these people are too much of a danger to themselves and others to have money.
This one is for my colleague, the ever-so-efficient yet eternally boring business lawyer *shudder*.
It seems a client came to her in a vast huff about a contract she drafted for him. A contract worth potentially millions of pounds that she custom drafted for him to cover all the excessive idiosyncrasies of his business relations (she charged a vast amount for drafting it because, as she put it “these two guys were on crack when they agreed to these terms.” She had to do this from scratch with no precedent (lawyers hardly ever draft ANYTHING from scratch. We find an old contract in our computer, tweak some of the details then present it to the client with a huge bill) because apparently our precedent system made no provision for the utterly insane.
We all consider this to be a severe lapse considering our clients.
Anyway, he came in storming in a fury because he was being sued and apparently the contract wasn’t going to stand up in court. He stood to lose millions apparently (she rather doubts this since the figure seemed to expand with every repetition and towards the end of the conversation it was apparent she was dealing with Bill Gates in disguise).
My colleague, being supremely confident that her contract was incredibly good considering it covered a deal that even the Mad Hatter would consider a little eccentric was not so easily fooled. She adamantly demanded to see all relevant documentation on the case or she would be happy to show him the door – to the kennels.
He loudly huffs that “she’s a lawyer” and therefore could find the information herself. She calmly replies that yes, she could. Then she would bill him for research time.
This, unsurprisingly, caused him to do the classic client wordless huff (well, we always put it down as wordless since its at this point we usually stop listening and just clock up the billing units) and finally gives her the name of the case “so she can do her job.”
Unfortunately for him, she’s actually very good at her job. She also has an annoyingly good memory. She politely pointed out that the other person in this case does not appear to be the person she originally drafted the contract for.
Because he wasn’t. Nor were the other dozen or so people he has decided to use this contract with.
Yes, it would seem that client, in an attempt to save himself money, had her draft one contract then has taken it upon his untrained, ignorant self to edit (though my esteemed colleague tells me that the term “mauled” may be more appropriate) the contract to fit any and all of his customers and business partners AND suppliers. All of them. One single contract. Edited by someone who hasn’t even been slapped round the head with a law book (yet). I want to make this clear - we're not talking standard terms and conditions - we're talking VASTLY different deals under vastly different terms for vastly different products AND services all shoe-horned under one mauled contract.
I have not the words.
Thankfully my esteemed colleague did – and she used them. At length and at great volume. Then released the Hounds.
Some days I just feel soooo justified charging so much. After all, these people are too much of a danger to themselves and others to have money.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-16 02:10 pm (UTC)*laughs self sick*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-16 02:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-16 03:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-16 05:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-16 06:05 pm (UTC)Well, okay, maybe if you made it up, because you're a funny guy and all.
But you know what I mean.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-16 08:00 pm (UTC)The hounds are all they deserve :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-16 09:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 12:54 am (UTC)Having only just celebrated my two-month anniversary at my firm, it will be a long time before I have any major interaction with clients outside tagging alone with nice colleagues who allow me to observe proceedings or sit in and even participate a little at a meeting.
There are moments when I am sick to death of research and writing projects and wish I could get into some client work.
This is not one of those days.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 03:28 am (UTC)*blink*
AAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*wipes away tears*
So, if this blockhead thought he was so good at writing a contract, why did he seek out legal help in the first place? If he had written his own contract from scratch, it would have been hailed as one of the funniest contracts ever written - after the inevitable litigation.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 04:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 10:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 10:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 10:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 10:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 10:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 10:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 10:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 10:38 am (UTC)Happy 2 monther!
I can only assume that this guiy had HEARD we used precedents (like every lawyer on the planet) and thought that he could do the same...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 10:39 am (UTC)Methinks the original price of teh CUSTOM job shocked him. She explaiend it was expensive BECAUSE it was custom and explained that we normally used precedents.
Having heard this, methinks he has thought that HE could use HER contract as a precedent
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 10:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-17 10:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-19 02:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-20 03:03 pm (UTC)