For whom doth the bell toll? phone ring?
May. 9th, 2006 03:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparkindarknessAlso known as the importance of learning to dial 141 before calling anyone.
So the phone rings its merry little tune and, having said all necessary prayers to the gods of protection against annoyance, I answered it. And lo, it is client R.
Me: Hello, this is Sparky.
R: Um. Hi. It’s R
Me: Ah, Mr. R. I tried to contact you this morning. You are due in court in 30 minutes. I thought we had planned to meet before hand?
R: Uh, no… I’ll meet you at the court in 15 minutes, is that OK?
Me: It’s not ideal, but it will suffice..
R: OK. Right. I’ll see you there.
Me: of course.
R: *hangs up*
Me: *pushes little button* Mad Secretary?
MS: Are we unleashing the Hounds? {yes, a direct quote.}
Me: Possibly. Could you 1471 {in the UK the number you dial to hear the last number who called you} that last call?
MS: Sure. *pause* Ok, the number was 020***********
Me: He’s due in court in 30mins. Here. He said he’d meet me there in 15 minutes
MS: That’s a London number, though.
Me: Yes… could you call that number please and put me through?
MS: Ok, and I’m listening because this should be good. *phone rings*
R: Hello? {cretin answering the phone himself}
Me: Mr. R! May I congratulate you on the purchase of your private jet? Though you may have trouble parking it in the town centre.
MS: *snickers*
R: What?
Me: Or should I be congratulating you on inventing teleportation?
MS: *snorting harrumph*
R: What’re you talking about?
Me: I’m just exploring how you are actually going to manage to come from London to here – a 4 hour drive at the best of times and a good 2 hours minimum on the train – in the next 15 minutes.
R: I’m not in London…
Me: Really? I’m sorry, but I believe you are mistaken {y’know, because we do occasionally miss moving 4 hours south to our nation’s capital. Happens to me all the time.} My secretary has just called a London phone number and you have answered.
MS: *whisper* look out the window, oh my, is that Big Ben? How did that get here?
R: ummm…
Me: Unless you can give me an extremely good reason why you are missing this court date I will have to tell the court you have absconded.
R: I HAVEN’T!
Me: You’re on bail. You are due in court in 15 minutes. You are 4 hours away. Convincing the court you have not absconded may be difficult.
MS: and tomorrow, Sparky convinces the court that water is dry
R:… I’ll be there. *hangs up*
Me: *to dial tone* Relying on miracles for transportation is not wise
MS: I’ll release the Hounds.
Me: Good plan. *sigh*
Needless to say, he missed his court date. He now has a warrant on him. And y’know what’s worse? In, say, a month he will be back in court asking me to get him bail.
So the phone rings its merry little tune and, having said all necessary prayers to the gods of protection against annoyance, I answered it. And lo, it is client R.
Me: Hello, this is Sparky.
R: Um. Hi. It’s R
Me: Ah, Mr. R. I tried to contact you this morning. You are due in court in 30 minutes. I thought we had planned to meet before hand?
R: Uh, no… I’ll meet you at the court in 15 minutes, is that OK?
Me: It’s not ideal, but it will suffice..
R: OK. Right. I’ll see you there.
Me: of course.
R: *hangs up*
Me: *pushes little button* Mad Secretary?
MS: Are we unleashing the Hounds? {yes, a direct quote.}
Me: Possibly. Could you 1471 {in the UK the number you dial to hear the last number who called you} that last call?
MS: Sure. *pause* Ok, the number was 020***********
Me: He’s due in court in 30mins. Here. He said he’d meet me there in 15 minutes
MS: That’s a London number, though.
Me: Yes… could you call that number please and put me through?
MS: Ok, and I’m listening because this should be good. *phone rings*
R: Hello? {cretin answering the phone himself}
Me: Mr. R! May I congratulate you on the purchase of your private jet? Though you may have trouble parking it in the town centre.
MS: *snickers*
R: What?
Me: Or should I be congratulating you on inventing teleportation?
MS: *snorting harrumph*
R: What’re you talking about?
Me: I’m just exploring how you are actually going to manage to come from London to here – a 4 hour drive at the best of times and a good 2 hours minimum on the train – in the next 15 minutes.
R: I’m not in London…
Me: Really? I’m sorry, but I believe you are mistaken {y’know, because we do occasionally miss moving 4 hours south to our nation’s capital. Happens to me all the time.} My secretary has just called a London phone number and you have answered.
MS: *whisper* look out the window, oh my, is that Big Ben? How did that get here?
R: ummm…
Me: Unless you can give me an extremely good reason why you are missing this court date I will have to tell the court you have absconded.
R: I HAVEN’T!
Me: You’re on bail. You are due in court in 15 minutes. You are 4 hours away. Convincing the court you have not absconded may be difficult.
MS: and tomorrow, Sparky convinces the court that water is dry
R:… I’ll be there. *hangs up*
Me: *to dial tone* Relying on miracles for transportation is not wise
MS: I’ll release the Hounds.
Me: Good plan. *sigh*
Needless to say, he missed his court date. He now has a warrant on him. And y’know what’s worse? In, say, a month he will be back in court asking me to get him bail.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 02:27 pm (UTC)*rereads* *dies again*
this has just made my morning.
*gives the MS lots of cookies*
*solemn* altho a little sympathy may have been in order? he may have been very disoriented still. i, personally, hate it when i suddenly find myself in an entirely different city four hours away. it's very distressing.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 02:32 pm (UTC)MS wishes it to be known she is always a grateful recipient of cookies.
Ah, we should be more sympathetic of those afflicted with Chaotic, Unexpected Relocations Sans Explanation (CURSE). It is a very disturbing feeling. Or we could, y'know, point and laugh :) which is much more fun
And you know what's more ironic? I can so picture you blinking, looking round and saying "Oh, I'm in Cincinatti. Damn."
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 02:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 02:42 pm (UTC)bwahaha. pointing and laughing, or if one is my husband, shaking head and laughing is a good treatment. sadly, there is no known cure.
...that would be awesome. now if only i could CONTROL it. =D
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 02:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 02:48 pm (UTC)Your hubby's CURSEd and he knows it :)
Nope, you're not allowed to control it. That would be against the principles of chaos :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 02:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 02:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 02:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 02:58 pm (UTC)Your post has demonstrated his point rather nicely, dontchathink?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 03:13 pm (UTC)*snerks* we do have some astonishingly stupid criminal-types, don't we...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 03:24 pm (UTC)I just wanted MS to know I'd like to be her one day. I work for 2 attorneys in the states in a government agency. It is truly amazing to watch it all.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 03:51 pm (UTC)Many thanks for sharing.
-K"H"S
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 04:04 pm (UTC)And did I just flat out lie to you or was he to stupid to grasp the concept of distance??
Aaaand your posts are absolutely (ahm do you spell it like that?)hillarious! *disappears giggling into the darkness*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 07:29 pm (UTC)We need Mad Secretary to post a few items. She sounds fun. Go buy her something.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 08:06 pm (UTC)Aye, i do need a shred of sanity remaining to me *guards it jealously against MS*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 08:39 pm (UTC)::cookies for the MS and for you, and whetstones for the Hounds::
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 10:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 01:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 01:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 07:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 08:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 09:00 am (UTC)I've seen my share of miscarriages of justice. But for every miscarriage there are 20 idiots who just give you nothing to work with
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 09:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 09:04 am (UTC)It is a fun and amusing job, she says, but you do see people at their worst
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 09:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 09:06 am (UTC)Nope, he lied. I have been shocked at how many idiots there are who are willing to ignore something today (like a court date) and hope it goes away
Thank you *watches you giggle off into the distance*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 09:07 am (UTC)MS posting? That would be a scary scary thing
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 09:09 am (UTC)Beating up MPCs is perfectly acceptable... sometimes. Of course, making a policy of it is to be discouraged, as I tell my players all the time
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 09:11 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 09:11 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 09:12 am (UTC)I think this job would be a lot harder without her. With her we both manage to see the funny side before the annoying side consumes us
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-10 09:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-23 09:17 am (UTC)Can I add you to my friends list and MS deserve special smartie laiden cookies
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-01 02:35 pm (UTC)And it's amazing how many times people will flatly deny the obvious and expect to be believed