you either have delusions of being a vampiric wet dream,

Not a bad thing :)

or your work has 'Come as you are Mondays' (also known, I think, as Casual days)

We do have casual days, but I think I'd be sent home wearing this on one - we're having a fancy dress charity day. People are guessing costumes. The best I got was the Gay Cavalier, The King's Man (oh how drole), Lestat's Mourning Ex, and Damn That's Good (I prefer that one).