Spark In Darkness

In Iran, the persecution and, let’s be frank, genocide against GBLT peopel continues. A bisexual man  in prison has been tortured and died of his injuries. At the same time, another bissexual man has been sentenced to 74 lashes – and still faces the death penalty. I despair to read of these cases, where our existence is punishable by death.

In Ghana a march of 3,000 people protested against GBLTs, encouraged by the muslim community, spreading gross disinformation and slurs – and calling for homosexuality to be criminalised (male homosexuality is actually criminalised in Ghana).

In Syria there is a crackdown going on against gay men – with gay parties and cruising areas being hit and the most recent swoop alone arrested 25 men. Again, our existence is illegal in Syria and carries a prison term. Even if these men are released without charge, they will be labelled and known and at the mercy of those around them.

In Mongolia, LGBTs face attack, violence, rape and death by an ultrantionalist group that enjoys the tolerance of the powers that be. Orgs to help them are seriously under-resourced and in danger, particularly at protecting the trans women who suffer the brunt of the attacks.

The GOP in Texas has clearly looked at events like this and wants a piece of the action – they want to bring back sodomy laws and they want to imprison straight people who help gays get married. There’s… really nothing to say to that, just despair.

In Slovenia, a gay friendly cafe has been firebombed and covered in anti-gay graffiti> This wasn’t even the first time this cafe has been attacked – or even the first time homophobes tried to burn it down

In St. Petersburg, Russia gay and lesbian activists were arrested for protesting and trying to hold a pride parade. Pride Parades in Russia are very hard to hold legally since the authorities continually refuse permits. St. Petersburg turned down the pride parade in 5 different locations before this went ahead.

In London, Lesbian trainee police officer Laura Goldie committed suicide and refers to the homophobia of her colleagues in her suicide note

In Houston a gay, trans man was beaten, held at knife point and robbed in a bathroom

In West Virginia a gay man has been beaten by police who used gay slurs. And people wonder why we don’t trust the police.

In Londonderry, Northern Ireland, 2 gay men were attacked and beaten by a gang of 3.

This piece originally appeared at Womanist Musings where Renee has very generously allowed my random musings to appear on her excellent blog

There is a delightful habit I’ve seen all over the place, that I call rainbow washing.

I took the term from some very cynical and very accurate environmentalists who spoke of companies “greenwashing” themselves. It was a very clever marketing ploy – you have a company that has all the environmental record of a cartoon villain and then they’ll slap on a green sign, maybe add a few flowers and awwwww they’re so good for the environment. Or maybe they’d announce that they’ve installed energy saving lightbulbs in their head office and started recycling memos while dumping defoliant in any nearby woodland.

I’m sure we’ve all seen something similar. A company with a terrible environmental record decides to make some minor gestures so we believe they’re green and shiny.

And so it is with Rainbow-washing. It’s an easy process of making some very easy speeches , some nice PR moves. Do something quick and easy and relatively costless (and, sadly, often relatively meaningless) without any real commitment and effort. When the time or opportunity arises to make similar gestures – or actual real commitments and actions – in favour of GBLT equality they’re suddenly very very absent.

An almost text book example of this? The latest McDonald’s ad kafuffle. McDonalds makes a, on the face of it relatively gay friendly advert (I don’t think it’s unproblematic. I do think that the slogan “come as you are” with someone who is closeted and hiding what they are is an unmixed message, but that’s another topic, and added to my to do list) to film in France, which it views as relatively gay-friendly (or, to be more accurate, relatively less anti-gay).

Of course, they’d never run that advert in the US, or anywhere that is seen as more anti-gay than France. They’re not going to take any risk or actually invest anything in reaching out to us – but they want our money. They’re quite willing to pander to bigots, and throw us out when it suits them. And it’s not surprising that the National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (note, I don’t know enough about this org to endorse them or not) has severed its ties with McDonalds since it seems the company has been willing to use the NGLCC to get its logo out there in GBLT spaces but has been as awkward as they come when actually working with them.

We’ve seen it in politics. Anyone subjected to my journal has seen me rant and rave about the Tory party’s Rainbow-washing. The Tories having an almost universal anti-gay stance for not only the majority of MPs but also the majority of the cabinet. (And It’s almost funny that, when Chris Grayling came forward in favour of hoteliers denying service to gay people, you replaced him Theresa May as Home Secretary who has an even worse voting record than he does – and made her Equalities Minister to boot! Oh yes, I laughed. Once I‘d finished swearing). But send a few MPs to Pride Parades, some gay clubs and have a GBLT reception at No. 10 and that Rainbow-Washes over it nicely, right? Make a speech, pose for some photo opportunities and behold, the Rainbow flag is draped over all that nasty homophobia.

And, sadly, it does sometimes work. Yes, hands up, it does. When you take people who have been nigh universally demonised for so long, then any gesture of sympathy or solidarity can be praised far beyond its worth. When so many companies, authority figures, politicians and religious leaders are still stuck on the “ewwww, gays, icky!” (and that’s when they’re being polite), when adverts with any gay presence at all are nigh non-existent (and especially for mainstream viewing) then even the slightest gesture is often greeted by much leaping up and down and cheering.

I think it’s vital to recognise when someone is an ally and when they’re hiding behind a Rainbow flag. I think it’s vital to recognise and that’s doubly important now, in Pride season, to recognise who is standing with us -and has stood with us – and who is trying to use some large Rainbows to cover up a lot of stink. Or those who will walk with us so long as they can access our wallets, our votes and some free good-will when they have done little or nothing to earn it. Especially when their actions deserve our enmity not our friendship.

Don’t be bought by pretty words, crumbs and a pat on the head – no matter how starved for anything but scorn we may sometimes feel. Don’t let a draped Rainbow flag hide what is beneath. And no amount of Rainbow-washing will make someone a friend, ally – or even not an enemy,

This piece originally appeared at Womanist Musings where Renee has very generously allowed my random musings to appear on her excellent blog

Much of this post deals with how lesbians and bisexual women are represented in the media, though it certainly applies to gay men when it occurs as well, it occurs far less often and certainly much more rarely than in mainstream media. I am not a lesbian nor do I think merely being GBLT makes you any particular authority on the other letters under the umbrella (something I’ve argued before). It gives you an insight, but it’s still an outsider’s view. As such, I give my impressions and how I feel but I cannot speak for Lesbians and bisexual women, do not wish to do so and make no guarantees I am getting it right.

I watch representations of GBLT people in the media with a great deal of cynicism. Most of the time it’s not there at all, when it is there it is often highly problematic and even when well portrayed it often focuses so much on the negative (homophobia, AIDS, family rejection, internalised hatred, etc) that it’s not just depressing but damn near triggering to watch. So when I see GBLTs in media or literature I tend to approach cautiously and not exactly in an open and fluffy mood.

Miley Cyrus has simulated a lesbian kiss in her latest performance on Britain’s Got talent, part of her ongoing campaign to ditch the ‘nice girl‘ image.

Not too long ago Madonna and Brittany had their oh-so-dramatic lip lock on stage.

As far as I’m aware, none of these women are Lesbians or Bisexual or anything but straight (despite much gossip in each case), yet they all engaged in on-stage woman on woman kissing.

t.A.T.u  is another rather infamous example. 2 female singers from Russia that became popular across much of Europe – who pretended to be lesbians both in their music and their performances. They’re not, they’re straight.

And I look at these and find them more than a little off. Not because there shouldn’t be portrayals of lesbian and bisexual women being loving, sexual and sensual on television and in music – most certainly we need more – but because I don’t think that’s what we’re seeing here. Is this done to show lesbian sexuality? To celebrate it? To protest that it should be acceptable and wonderful and respected?

Or is it done to titillate? Is it done so straight men can speculate and drool? Is it done to shock? To prove to a heterosexist world how edgy and cool they are? Is it done so people can gawk and chatter and gossip? Is it done to hit the headlines and draw attention because it’s so *gasp* outrageous?

See this is something that preys on my mind when I watch portrayals of gay people in the media and certainly when I read books in the m/m genre and slash fiction (neither of which are particularly my habit any more). I look at the portrayal and ESPECIALLY if there is sexiness going on and I ask – what is this for?

Because owning our own sexuality, being proud of it, wearing it, being open with it and being fierce with it is a whole world of difference from our sexuality being paraded so straight folks can drool or stare.

Because portraying a gay or lesbian person or a gay or lesbian couple to show their lives, their families, them as real people due respect, love and happiness is a world of difference from portraying them so they can be viewed or read with one hand, or for shock value or as a publicity stunt.

Because there’s a difference between Adam Lambert and Lady Gaga on the one side, and t.A.T.u. and Miley Cyrus on the other.

Because there’s a difference between lesbians living as themselves and 2 women getting it on for the joys of straight male viewing.

Because there’s a difference between a book that tells the story of gay men in love, and a book that treats gay men as pose-able mannequins  to drool over.

And I’m not saying that from any kind of anti-porn/erotica standpoint – I’m generally pro-porn. But recognise that not all portrayals of us are about us and most certainly are not for us. Some of them are appropriating us with varying degrees of respect – and a fair few of them are downright using us and not holding in to a great deal of respect or concern in the process.

Some statistics have come out from the US saying that  only 43% of people think being gay is wrong.  There is also this nifty little table showing that over a quarter of Americans wouldn‘t want gay neighbours (sadly, most of the people looking at that seem to be utterly indifferent to the fact that having gay neighbours is considered the worse thing EVAH! but that’s another point).

They join statistics from the UK that say only 36% of people now say that homosexuality is wrong.

And, y’know what? I’m really having a hard time dancing with glee over all of these.

Sure, things are getting better. The number of people willing to openly wear their bigotry is going down. But 43%/36% still thinking being gay is immoral? And 27% of people not wanting gay neighbours?  That’s a hell of a lot of bigotry out there.

And I said “wear their bigotry openly” for a reason. Because at least part (and my cynical mind says that it’s a large part) of those people saying they’re not anti-gay have woken up to the fact that saying “ewww homos!” is no longer particularly well thought of and edit their words accordingly.

Yes it’s getting better. Yes opinions are very different to what they were 30 years ago – this is progress, don’t get me wrong..

But, I‘m sorry, but it’s not good. It’s better, certainly, but it’s not good. Almost Half or a third of people running around  still thinking “ewww gays icky” and being willing to own that is still damn frightening. Over a quarter of people huffing because gay people have moved in next door is not a good thing.

I don’t know what I‘m trying to say here, it’s nice to celebrate progress – but I do have a feeling that we, as GBLTs, tend to take crumbs and act like we have a cake. We tend to jump up and down and let off fireworks at the most partial, looks-like-a-victory-if-you-squint-and-sorta-turn-your-head-a-bit victory, tend to celebrate any portrayal of ourselves no matter how grossly stereotyped and problematic and tend to fawn over anyone who is willing to say some kinda-nice words about us.

And we do need the positive to keep us from either crawling in a corner and crying, or reaching for an axe and hacking (hmmmm hacky goodness), but I fear the low expectations and SETTLING that comes from leaping for joy when someone throws us a crust . And I do think, occasionally, we need to look at that crust and say “uh, yeah – where’s the damn loaf?!” And that’s not selfish and ungrateful. Equality is not a freaking gift. Equality isn’t a present someone gives us. It’s OURS it SHOULD be ours, it belongs to us and it is being wrongly denied. If a thief steals your car and gives you back a wheel, you do not say thank you and run around rolling it like it’s the best thing ever. You demand the rest of the car (and find a mechanic who can put the wheel back on, but here the metaphor endeth).

(Also, the next person who says “Zomg gay rights are so new and you want it all at once, how selfish” is going to get a slap. GBLTs have not just been persecuted in the last 50 freaking years. We have been universally persecuted, imprisoned, tortured and killed for freaking centuries across many parts of the world. Do not try to paint it as a new thing just because we have been so damned persecuted for so damned long that merely admitting our existence was damn near a high bloody crime. Stop belittling us like that, stop dismissing us like that. It’s homophobic, it’s blinkered and it’s wrong).

Now good news? Good news is that Iceland has not only passed a gay marriage law – but has done so Unanimously! That is good news Gooooo Iceland We totally forgive you for the volcano

This piece originally appeared at Womanist Musings where Renee has very generously allowed my random musings to appear on her excellent blog

Beloved and I have lots of random scheduling, especially through the week. I work long hours, have a blog, read vast arrays of blogs, new sites and random things that amuse me.  I also leave my deadlines to the VEEEERYYYYY last minute then inter myself at work until I’m sure he needs a photograph of me to remember what I look like.

Beloved doesn’t work long hours, but he does work… random hours. And his endless enthusiasms do eat up his time (and my tolerance).  When he has a new whim it does tend to eat many hours of his time. Of course, I do try to spend time with his hobby du jour, but after a couple of hours even I run out of sarcastic commentary.

So we have 2 rules – we always eat together in an evening, and Fridays and Saturdays are ours, together. And on Saturday that means coiling on the sofa with some nice bottles and whatever our Skyplus has been told to record over the week (we record far more than we ever watch and are steadily falling behind).

This is us time, comfort time. When all the badness of the world is reduced to whether or not my glass is full and whether, if I poke him in enough places, Beloved can be convinced to fill it up.

And yet, while I snuggle up happily to watch Waking the Dead or Silent Witness (cheesey crime dramas? Yes I likes them), Top Gear (Richard Hammond. Enough said), Lie to Me (Tim Roth. Don’t look at me like that, you know you would too) and so many other wonderful shrines of cheesey goodness, ready for a nice lazy evening…

Except for the last few weeks now we’ve been brought to a screeching halt and fallen back on cheesey DVDs we’ve watched a dozen times. Which means we’re getting ever further behind on our recordings.

Because in the last few weeks we’ve had – depictions of anti-gay hate crime, depictions of religious gay youths using “aversion therapy” to hurt themselves when they have “impure” thoughts, a young man killed by the manager of his gay lover for fear that his sexuality would ruin their career, and people driving across a renowned conservative southern state of the US with “manlove forever“ written across the side of the car to see how angry the locals get. More than a few cringe worthy stereotypes than I could shake a stick at – oh and a B&B called, oh-so-funny -  “The Happy Faggot”

This does not make for a happy evening of cheesey TV consumption. In fact, it leaves Sparky very grumpy and sad and hurt and angry and generally uncomfortable. I hesitate to use the word “triggered” because I’m not sure how extreme a reaction needs to be to be considered a trigger, but it does not leave me in a happy fun place with booze and Beloved poking.

And that’s pretty damn sad. It’s pretty damn sad that there is so much anti-gay badness in society that I can’t relax in front of the television without worrying that I’m about to be dragged down bad-memory-lane or left cringing and uncomfortable. It’s sad that I’ve reached a point where I can’t sit down on our happy, fluffy Saturday nights and just watch television without checking the synopsis first to make sure nothing we’re watching is going to hurt me.

Of course, the alternative to that tends to be a night of straight viewing, with nary a gay in sight. I can look forward to a full night of comfortably not having the media stomp all over my sore spots, dredge up the bad memories or make me upset and frightened – but only because it reduces the world to the grand Straight World of Hetlandia

Is there a solution to this? I mean, I can see the argument now, “he complains when there are gays on TV then moans when there aren’t!” aren’t I an awkward little thing? And yes, covering over all the negative aspects of homophobia in depictions of gay people would be deeply problematic as well. See, I’m even more awkward? But the problem with depictions of homophobia is that they’re essential for straight people – so straight people can learn and come close to understanding. We don’t need to be taught these lessons, we’ve already learned them, often painfully. We don’t need depictions of gay pain and gay loss and gay sadness and gay angst and anti-gay cruelty. They’re essential portrayals and they benefit us – but they’re not for us.

I’d like to be able to just turn on the television and relax. I’d like to not have to approach the media with caution and fear. I’d like to lay back and enjoy my evening without being hurt. I’d like to spend a night NOT being faced by homophobia.

And that’s ultimately it. I want to spend one night, one comfortable, us night where I don’t have to deal with this. Just one night when I can just be without having to worry about it, without having all my sore spots poked. And I’d quite like to have that without having to erase my existance or burrow through all of TV-land for niche programming

It doesn’t seem a lot to ask, it shouldn’t be this hard.