sparkindarkness: (STD)

Further to our friend Dr. Reker’s adventures with the rent boy, there have been several developments.

First of all, Urban Dictionary has a new entry:  “Whatever lift’s your luggage”  Synonymous with “whatever floats your boat” I swear I nearly died laughing at that one.

The Family Research Council, the hate group he founded, is having several kinds of kittens over this and are running from him as much as possible. It’s fun watching them trying to play the “Reker who? Oh never heard of him. No. *cough*” game

NARTH seems to be going with the “we don’t believe a word of it. Oh and he’s FAAAAR too old and feeble for that kind of thing” approach. Old? He’s 61 – it’s not like he‘s 102 or anything

Now, for something more useful from all of this beyond the joy of that sweet sweet schadenfreude. In his recent past Dr. Reker has been used as an “expert witness” concerning gay adoption in Arkansas and was used by Florida for the same. Naturally, his opinion expressed is grossly bigoted. He has quoted the Bible, expressed that homosexuality is a sin, has compared gay people seeking to adopt to terrorists and drug dealers, has referred to gay people as mentally unstable which made him a dubious choice as an “expert” in the first place.  His testimony involved a lot of veyr out-of-date studies (what do you expect from a man who still advocates “reperative therapy). He supports removing any children from gay homes and placing them with straight families – even if those children had been in that gay household for 10 years. Florida is paying this “expert” $87,000

So utterly biased was his testimony that the judge Ledermen said “Dr. Rekers’ beliefs are motivated by his strong ideological and theological convictions,” “The court cannot consider his testimony to be credible nor worthy of forming the basis of public policy.”

Not the best use of money perhaps. In fact  Joe.My.God has a call to action to put pressure on Florida Attorney General McCollum (who seems to be running to governor) who hired this man to spread his hatred.

sparkindarkness: (STD)

Schadenfreude, it’s good for what ails you.

Now, I started out depressed today, raging over the ignorant and hateful comments about the 2 congressional candidates from Tennessee talking about gays in the military. In particular saying  “I can tell you if there were any homosexuals in that group, they were taken care of in ways I can’t describe to you.” and “I definitely wouldn’t want to share a shower with a homosexual. We took care of that kind of stuff, just like (Kirkland) said.” I am thinking that “taking care of” does not mean “treated with justice and equality and respect.” No I do not think so. And it is grossly horrifying that people who aspire to be elected officials will say such a thing on the campaign trail and not have their career in ruins. Seriously – supporting, BRAGGING about homophobic violence? I am going to have to revisit this when I have the headspace for it.

Instead I am going to have a little pick me up and look at the case of  Dr. George Rekers. A professional homophobe, this hater is a founder of the Family Research Council – a hate group that has spoken out in favour of criminalising homosexuality. That’s right – they’re not satisfied with just fighting gay rights, they want gays thrown in prison. He’s also a board member for NARTH – yes, the lying, hateful ex-gay peddling group.

In short, this guy is a major homophobe. He is involved in so many anti-gay efforts  that he should long since have exploded from the pressure of his own vile hatred. And, not only that, but this hateful bigot likes to spread his hatred around, spending 10 days in Europe.

Now, a busy bigot like Dr. Rekers is going to need many things while on holiday. Luggage, maybe a lap top, phone, credit cards, 20 year old rent boy called Lucien…

…yes a 20 year old rent boy called Lucien.

Oh my oh my they do make it easy don’t they? I have to wonder what they were thinking (actually, I know what they’re thinking and clearly not with their head on their shoulders) that they think they can do this and NOT be noticed?

Now, I could talk about the damage and pain of internalised homophobia. I could talk about the toxicity of the closet. I could talk about how pitiful this man is. I could talk about the issue of outing homophobes and why I agree with it. I could even make snide NARTH jokes “physician, heal thyself!” but I’ve done all that before. Besides, I need a pick me up :)

So, I’m helping myself to a big slice of Schadenfreude Pie and laughing uproariously at this.

Of course it gets better when you hear his excuses:

1) He has had surgery and needs someone to carry his bags – so of COURSE he hires a rentboy, yes? Quick quiz – who can think of the best euphemism for ‘carry his bags?’  “You can tote my luggage” “baggage check” and “you lift my bags up” have already been used :P

2) Fearing that people weren’t buying it, he quickly switched to he was evangelising to the young man to convert him. Oh doctor, evangelise me some more!

And yes, I am enjoying the hell out of this :)

Hmmm… I wonder if I can get the senior partners to hire me a new assistant. I think I’ve found just the agency :)

sparkindarkness: (Default)
At least according the Thompson, the attorney fighting against marriage equality in the proposition 8 trial in California - homophobia is OVER!

See, we have Will & Grace, Philadelphia and Brokeback Mountain and that won awards, AWARDS PEOPLE! Surely this is proof, PROOF that homophobia is dead!

Because, y'know, a film written by a straight person, acted by straight people and directed by straight people is totally proof that there's not homophobia any more because it's about teh GAYS!

Oh and Nancy Pelosi is apparently a fierce advocate (don't you just love it when straight people say who gay allies are? And, also, SINCE WHEN?!) and we have Barney Frank! And thousands of companies have non-discrimination policies! (Yeah, and thousands more DON'T! The mere fact these policies are NEEDED are proof that homophobia is still here). Totally proof of a homophobia free society

Y'know I was actually typing a rebuttal to this. But, really? REALLY?
sparkindarkness: (Default)
Oh and the Pope would like you to know that gay marriage is an attack on creation.

Attack on CREATION.

*starts to get mortally offended* *fails* I’m sorry, but I just can’t, it’s just too funny. I mean, seriously an attack on ALL CREATION?! How do you straight people even sleep at night? I mean, we’re out there THREATENING ALL CREATION! MUAHAHAH! Why aren’t you hiding under your beds cowering and whimpering? The gays are coming the gays are coming! And they’re ATTACKING CREATION!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! You’re DOOOOOMED, you’re all DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!

I need to practice my evil laugh more.

Added bonus is he considered this part of his ENVIRONMENTAL message! Hey, we’re POLLUTION now in the eyes of the Catholic Church. I’m totally calling global warming. But, see, it’s relevant because he’s referring to species that are endangered or under threat. You get that? We’re endangering the human race! The human species is under threat. We’re gonna drive you to extinction.

Damn why didn’t anyone TELL me we were supervillains? I don’t have a costume or a theme song or anything?! And minions! Someone get me some minions and a lair with a dubious self-destruct button and methods of executing extremely cool British spies in convoluted and implausible ways.

Now I must decide - sharks or piranha, sharks or piranha?
sparkindarkness: (Default)
Sparky: *In grumpy morning mode* have briefcase, pen, wallet, phone, keys, shoes (yes, I do tend to forget). Ok ready *opens door* and...
Sparky: Snow. *gives Mother Nature a dirty look* You're totally making me regret reducing my carbon footprint, madam.
Beloved: snow snow snow snow snow snow snow SNOW! *starts making snow balls*
Cat: *looks outside* *gives world a most outraged glare* *goes back to bed*
Sparky: *closes door, possibly, just possibly ACCIDENTALLY locking Beloved out*

Sparky: *calls work* I'm afraid I can't come in today, I'm...
Secretary: Ooh ooh, wait, there's someone here who wants to hear this (In the background: Senior Partner! It's Sparky!)
*connecting phones are picked up*
Senior Partner 1: It's snowing, so I imagine you have been terribly afflicted by leprosy, scarlet fever or the ebola virus?
Sparky: I was going to go with smallpox
Senior Partner 2: I'm bored with diseases. I prefer animal maulings.
Sparky: Any preference?
Senior Partner 2: We haven't had marmoset's yet.
Sparky: Of course. Well, this morning I got up and to my horror found that my kitchen was infested with marmosets, no doubt planted by disgrunted mafia contacts. And they'd eaten all the coffee and were on a caffein fueled rampage. It was only with cunning and daring that I managed to subdue the squeaking hordes.
SP1: Do marmosets squeak?
Sparky: probably. These ones did. If marmosets don't, insert "mutated squeaking, caffein fueled marmoset hordes"
SP1: Of course. And you suffered severe injury
Sparky: I drove them off, but not before they ate my right leg. And left ear.
SP2: How tragic
SP1: Do you have court today?
Sparky: Of course not, it's Friday*****
SP1: Appointments?
Sparky: Still Friday
SP1: Why do any of us even come in on a Friday?
SP2: Because we pay them to, obviously. And they need to keep up on their solitaire skills.
Secretary: We have a champion solitaire team now!
Sparky: Solitaire team? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?
SP1: We will see you on Monday of course?
SParky: My leg should have grown back by then.
SP1: Good, no excuses for Monday, not even if the snow
Sparky what is Beloved dies from hypothermia?
SP1: I'm not answering that. You have a chest freezer. I would be liable
Sparky: See you on Monday then
SP2: Bring me a marmoset!

*****Friday is the BEST day for summary judgements. Because everyone wants to go home early. If you want the court to actually give a shit about your case, don't pick Friday. Court case on which your life depends < 3 day weekend. I'm just saying.
sparkindarkness: (Default)
So we have

Washington DC council votes to legalise gay marriage! Woohoo victory and a step forward!

Lesbian couple in Gibraltar win appeal after they were refused a joint tenancy agreement thank gods - seriously trying to stop gay people living together?

And on the amusing side - Nevada brothels can now have male prostitutes as well! (All discrimination is bad after all). What amuses me about this is this homophobe OBJECTING (calling it a pearl harbour no less!) because it will make the industry less socially acceptable.

Oh please. Is there really a huge number of people who are pro-prostitution but anti-homosexuality? Y'know, don't answer that. It'll probably depress me

And am I the only one who thinks the brothel in question could make a lot of money advertising itself as the most immoral brotherl in Nevada?
sparkindarkness: (Default)
Remember yesterday when I expressed how not impressed I was at the Sun for jumping on Gordon Brown for misspelling a fallen soldier's name in his condolence letter?

Guess who misspelled said name in their online coverage?

Oh yes they did.

So let me get this straight - they attack an extremely poor sighted man for making a spelling mistake in a hand written letter.

Then they make the SAME mistake in a typed, edited, proof-read article after dealing with the woman repeatedly in an article THAT WAS ENTIRELY ABOUT SAID SPELLING MISTAKE.

You couldn't make it up. Really, you couldn't
sparkindarkness: (Default)
Ok I've seen some bad applies but if your apply is:

dk lf invite:

pve blod dk i have duel spec to uholy-frost pvp .im realy want invite .

Then you probably won't be accepted. It's actually genuine!

I am stunned

He didn't even include his NAME!!!!
sparkindarkness: (Default)
This is such a wonderful/bad idea (well aside from the brief snark at multiple women and 1 man). NB: poss unsafe for work if the markets are low!

Though it probably says terrible things about me that I can't quite banish the little *GLEE!" response when stock markets tick down...

And my brain is breaking with the "What?! They're near naked now?! Damn what happened!? YUMMEH!"
sparkindarkness: (Default)
Despite being a homosexual, I am a Human Being.

I feel the need to say this because the President of UN General Assembly, Ali Abdussalam Treki, says I am “not acceptable.” Homosexuality is not acceptable. Not acceptable to him, not acceptable to many nations, not acceptable to his faith, not a part of democracy and rights. He said this in response to a desperate resolution to decriminalise homosexuality world wide.

Not gay marriage. Not gay adoptions. Let me be clear here - this is a resolution to stop gay people being arrested (and tortured and executed) for having the temerity to EXIST.

The UN Charter guarantees protection of human rights (yes, I know, it is rather comedic) so, as a human being I would like to think that the august persons that have authority in the UN would respect my basic right to exist - yet this man believes it is right that some of us should be criminally persecuted for what we are?

He needs to check his dictionary on the meaning of “acceptable” - people being who they are, in love, without harm or hurt to anyone. That’s acceptable. Gods, it’s beautiful. Persecution and prejudice for no damn good reason than small minded bigotry? THAT’S unacceptable.

And in related news, and to my endless amusement, Michael Schwartz, chief of staff for Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn tells us that pornography makes you gay. All porno - gay, straight, whatever. Porno turns you gay. Because it “turns your sexual drive inward” (which I think is a euphemism for masturbation. So masturbation also makes you gay. I dunno, Michael, there’s an awful lot of straight wankers out there). Someone had better contact the hetero porn industry, because they’re going to put themselves out of business, y’know.
sparkindarkness: (Default)
Wowish but not very - anyone can understand.

A while ago we have a prot warrior called E in the guild. While he wasn’t officially main tank (we don’t recognise any such position and rotate our tanks for equal experience etc) but he was the best geared and (if I’m honest but I’d NEVER tell him) the most skilled so when it came to a new or extra difficult fight, he would be the one who tanked it. He also, for a time, occupied the post of Warrior class lead and one of our officers under me and S.

N was another prot warrior and quite active. N & E were often the tanks in any 25 man raid. N’s skills were pretty low, but E gave him a crash course and really improved him.

Fast forward and E has various RL issues and couldn’t play as much, he also caused some drama llamas with it, borrowing money, going inactive, saying he was coming back, then not, having dramatic hissy fits if enough people didn’t express their grief stricken horror at his departure then having a bit more drama because ZOMG the guild kept going when he left rather than collapsing without his specialness. Eventually he emailed us telling us he had sold his character and wouldn’t be playing WoW any more (in vaguely insulting terms). We removed his characters from the guild because we don’t approve of account selling (apart from anything else we have to change our rank and loot system for them and we end up with a skill-less face roller trying to play a level 80 character).

We continue for a little and E contacts us saying he wants to come back. We’re reluctant because he was a bit of an arse, but his friend is in the guild and is a REALLY important and valued member and (politely) asks if we could bring him back at least probationary. We agree.

E, because of his break, is now rather under geared. We can’t rotate him into main tank in 25 man Ulduar without making it more difficult than it should be. N now carefully and kindly explains every new fight to E and generously passes on off loot in a very paternalistic fashion. There was a vague suggestion of a tps competition (which we sat on - we hate guildies competing with each other).

They’re both writing a guide to warriors on our forum, both replying with more details and more info, it’s auto, one replies, the other will find something trivial to add. Ah, late teenage males, don’t you just love ‘em?

Sparky: Y’know they could both unzip and measure to see who has the biggest cock and be done with it.
S: It’d be easier if they had antlers
sparkindarkness: (Default)
On the PTR you can buy many items. To buy Paladin tier 9 there are 2 vendors - one for Horde, one for Alliance.

Champion Isimode

Commander Faesrol

BWHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! *dies*
sparkindarkness: (Default)
Stolen from Colubra, quoting Jon Stewart on the Daily Show

'So it's OKAY to waterboard a guy OVER EIGHTY TIMES, but GOD FORBID that the guy who could understand what that prick was saying has a boyfriend."

Because I'm desperately trying to understand here and I DO NOT GET IT. I do not understand how twisted your mind has to be for this to be even remotely SENSIBLE, let alone logical!
sparkindarkness: (Default)
And the rule is, any alcoholic drink left unguarded in the presence of Sparky will be consumed by said Sparky.* If said alcoholic drink is not to Sparky’s liking then Sparky will:

1) Add or change said drink until it is palatable
2) Drink it anyway then complain to the maker of said drink about their appalling taste in alcohol.

This is the rule, it has been with us since the dawn of drunkenness. It is known :P

Beloved has shared roof space and drinking time with Sparky for many many many years now through the consumption of a lot of alcohol. A great deal of alcohol. Metric fucktons in fact. Therefore he is fully appraised of the rule and has witnessed it on many occasions.

Therefore I think it is grossly unjust and clearly grossly unfair of him to complain about the lime juice that has been added to his lager. I further add that all right thinking people will agree with Sparky when Sparky complain most bitterly about the crime of adding cranberry juice to perfectly decent Apple Sour. I would elaborate by saying that it is an act of charity on the part of Sparky to drink said appalling mix in the legitimate expectation that the glass will be refilled by unadulterated Apple Sour. Which Sparky will then consume, of course (assuming no wolverines are detected). But the alcohol quality of the house will still have been briefly improved, which is something.

Really, after all these years he should KNOW this.

Sometimes Beloved is totally unreasonable, y’know.

*This is a sub rule of the general principle “everything edible belongs to Sparky unless he doesn’t want it or it is guarded by rabid wolverines.”
sparkindarkness: (Default)
Ye gods NO!!!!

The new 118 24 7 advert (Yell phone directory):

What sadistic twisted mind put this on television?!
sparkindarkness: (Default)
In the myriad and odd world of publishing....

how did THIS get published?

I boggle. I mean, I see no ends of people fighting with publishers, struggle to get published, have their works mauled by publishers - and then they let THIS through the net?

Seriously I didn't think prose could be that purple. It's virtually ultra-violet. I am AMAZED that the book doesn't spontaneously combust (into purple flames). It's kind of awe inspiring...
sparkindarkness: (Default)
Of course, the reminder only serves to make you feel SILLY about the childish thing you just did.

The powers that be have finally repaired our underground parking at work (possibly because we have kidnapped the Senior Partners’ significant others until the work gets done. Well Expect for most Senior of Partner‘s spouse - but we promised him we would kidnap her when the work is finished. He is now looking hopeful).

And like any new building work we seem to have done - it’s a disaster. It’s very very very poorly lit, the electrics are severely dodgy and the acoustics mean that a revving engine may actually burst your ear drums - oh and it has a ventilation system that seems to have the sole purpose of piping IN smell. Needless to say, words have been exchanged.

However it did set the scene for silliness.

Colleague and I, after a late night of trying to meet a deadline (no chance, Client is incapable of understanding the term, I think we should work on teaching him the word syllable by syllable...) we make our way down to our cars.

The lights are dead. It is pitch black. We are reduced to shuffling along the cavernous space using our phones as make-shift torches

It’s al this point the colleague remarks that she wishes she hadn’t watched so many horror films. I did not find this remark helpful - though i was suddenly very much in agreement

I have to mention at this point that the ventilation systems makes a rather disturbing, well, groaning sound. A moaning almost. And a plastic bag caught in the draft sounds almost EXACTLY like shuffling feet. Shuffling dragging feet.

There follows a pause. A pause while 2 grown adults (horror movie aficionados), logical, sensible, mature professionals have an internal monologue convincing themselves that, no, there are no zombies in the parking garage.

Neither of us is very convincing. Of course, running desperately for the cars in the dark would be foolish and unsafe. It would also be embarrassing as hell. And we’re not that silly, are we? Are we? Not even with that scraping sound... Or that wailing sound... Ah hell


So what have I learned?

1) Even the silliest of things can suddenly seem real in a spooky dark car park.
2) Colleague TOTALLY has my back in case of a zombie apocalypse. No fumbling for keys, she can get them out and ready in a second while I cover her, and she can get her high-heels off for easier running in 2 seconds flat. We’d be an absolutely rocking team. Can’t you just see it now? 2 Lawyers running through the streets with shotguns killing zombies and making lots of bad legal puns? “OBJECTION, brain-eater!” “Habeus THIS, corpus!”
3) Being eaten by zombies may actually preferable to the moment of squirming embarrassment that followed us turning on the headlights. We are Not Talking About It.
sparkindarkness: (Default)
Now, I have a weakness and, I confess, a prejudice.

Accents. If I hear a strong accent my mind will conjure up an image of the person - no matter what i see, no matter how inaccurate, stereotypical or plain WRONG it is. This is a weakness and very unfair of me and I am sincerely working to correct this.

Mad Secretary is NOT HELPING.

See I had a new client today who was originally from (I THINK - I never asked because it was a little presumptious) Somerset. Rural Somerset.

My (unfair and deeply wrong mind) conjures up a... less than flattering mental image. I desperately try to purge this from my mind.

And then i find the following picture in the file:

Worse, the computer file has the following youtube link:

I have to meet this man tomorrow. I must banish combined harvesters from my mind. *chants*
sparkindarkness: (Default)
Stolen meme-age:
You are in a mall when zombies attack. You have:
1. One weapon
2. One song blasting on the speakers
3. One famous person to fight along side you

1) I know shotguns and chainsaws are traditional zombie fighting equipment, but one has to wonder how many zombies there are? If we're talking a shuffling horde then you've only got so much ammo/power for the chainsaw (and the splatter? These are dead people, that can't be hygienic). And in Britain where am I going to find fresh ammo? Sure those computer games have convenient shotgun shells left in every dustbin but I doubt if even the most gun-nutty corner of America has that much convenient ammunition lying around. So I'm going to stick to a biiig melee weapon for convenient hacking.

2) I'd probably want some nice techno dance/trance music to get me in the zombie killer zone. Anything by Eric Prydz or Darude would be good. Or something completely inappropriate and wrong like the Best of Eurovision or Aqua or some teenybopper crap. C'mon can't you imagine hacking your way through the living dead while "I'ma Barbie Girl" blasts out?

3) Well first of all i wouldn't want ANYONE famous. That's suicidal. They're famous, I'm not. That makes me the extra, right? Oh yes, that's going to lengthen my life expectancy. So I'd want someone who's very very very Z-list (maybe a Big Brother contestant) who is more likely to be killed off than me (Jade Goodie would be perfect. I could wound her and watch the zombies chow down) OR an ethnic minority (because the black guy ALWAYS dies first in those films - which is good fodder for a rant about racism in film to take at a later date) or at least Orlando Bloom - sure I'll die first but if it's a gay version of your classic hetero horror film it won't be until AFTER we've had sex, so that's some consolation, yes?

And no Englishmen if they are classicly trained actors or have decently proper accents - they're always bad guys who will double cross me.

(And yes, this meme is brought to you by the drunken film guessing game: where one guesses who's going to die next (ethnic minority - because if you don't kill 'em off quickly you may have to develop an actual role for them unless they're providing comic relief or couple/woman who has just had sex - because sex is BAAAD and everyone knows that if you aren't abstinent before marriage you get killed by a serial killer. The Bible says so. Maybe. Especially if you're a woman - everyone knows an intact hymen is the only way to survive an axe murderer) Who the bad guy is (English. Always. Occasionally other European, but usually a classicly trained British actor. If Sir Ian McKellen, Christopher Lee or Alan Rickman are present this is just no contest at all. Coincidentally 3 men I consider extremely sexy without being sexually attractive. Guess I have a thing for villains).


sparkindarkness: (Default)

April 2015

262728 2930  


RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags